Learning to Listen: Day 1

I think at this point, it's safe to say that God and I will not be writing the next best selling novel this week... I've been waiting for God to tell me why we are doing this. Like any reason will suffice. Why on earth am I called to sit in a camper alone for 4 days with no vehicle and no people, if I'm not writing your next famous story?? 

Yesterday God told me, "Be still." Umm. Ok. He told me that I am always running and moving and conquering and if I'm not doing- then I'm talking. Anyone who's spent 5 minutes with me knows that I don't shut my mouth very often. If there's someone to talk to, I am usually right there chatting away. When there is a job to be done, I want to do it. I want to get it done. Efficient and effective, that's what they call me. (Ok so nobody calls me that, but they would if they saw me work. I think.) If there is a problem or a complaint, my initial reaction is, "how do we fix this?" or "what can I do to help?" I admit, sometimes when people share their 'junk' with me, they really just want someone to listen to them. I am working on that because, honestly, I haven't been very skilled in the area of listening. I want to offer advice or opinions or Biblical answers to help them get to the other side. But sometimes people just want to vent. Sometimes people just want to know that someone hears them. 

Is that what you're teaching me, God? To listen? I mean, I already know I suck at the whole 'obey' thing, which is clear to everyone at this point. But are you teaching me to listen now? Are you whispering gently so I have to get quiet and lean in close to hear you? 

For the record, I think that's precisely what God is doing with me. Let's recap, shall we?

Day 1: Monday

I wake up early and Luciana rides with me to Wal-Mart to grab a few last minute things. From there we head to the camper, where she spends the car ride encouraging me and telling me how God is going to do something wonderful and how He is going to take really good care of our family while I'm gone. She speaks at length giving me wise council and Godly encouragement, causing me to see her as even more of a spiritual equal and less of little child. God shows me at this moment that my obedience of giving her wholly to Him is paying off. She is so far beyond what I ever was at her age and it's all glory to God. 

Luciana helps me open the camper and then she drives off in my truck, leaving me with my thoughts and Jesus. I had a brain overflowing with a word from God so I write about it and share it with you all. Almost immediately after posting the first attack begins. You all know about the propane, so I won't go into it- but this is when it happened. Next, I suddenly realize that I forgot to transfer our tenants' rent payment into our checking account, so our mortgage payment could possibly bounce. I panic. I check my paypal and see they haven't paid rent yet. I realize they blocked me on Facebook about a month or two ago, and I know they had debated re-signing a lease because they considered moving in August. 

Oh sweet Jesus. Did our tenants move out without a word? This fear then spirals into about 657,000 'what ifs' and the like. I make several phone calls, begin hyperventilating, openly start sobbing and crying about how I shouldn't be here right now, blah blah blah. Then I get a call telling me that my tenants do in fact still live there and later discover that they had paid rent, it just hadn't cleared the bank yet. It was all lies. Fear is a liar, remember? 

Ok. I need to relax. I look to my right and see my gorgeous ATV just sitting there waiting to hit the trails. I pour the little amount that's left of gas in her and I head out to get some air and change of scenery. This time, however, I don't go as fast as I can without dying. This time, I take it slow. I have a picture in my head of Jesus smiling from ear to ear, excited to show me all that He's created. He wants to show off the beauty of His masterpiece. So I drink it all in, stopping here and there to take notes on little things that God chooses to speak to me. Some of these include:

The world says to keep your head down and get through life as fast as possible. But I say, "Look up! Watch what I do! Make every moment count- even the tough ones."

When the world says, "Stay on the Road"; I say, "Step off the beaten path. Go and explore the beauty of my creation! How will you ever know who I really am if you're always surrounded by blacktop?"

Like this stop sign, if you disobey My signs, people could wind up getting hurt or killed. Pay closer attention and start obeying my signs. 

I come up to a spot on the flowage trail where there is some walking trails and a small lake. I decide to venture out and hopefully not get mauled by a bear or killed by a serial murderer. A bug decides to begin buzzing in my ear. Constantly I am swatting it away, but it's relentless and I have the toughest time enjoying this excursion because I want to punch this little insect in it's stupid buzzing face. That's when God tells me, "Trying to enjoy the peace and listen can be hard when there's an annoying buzzing in your ear- like the enemy always whispering and lying and distracting. That's why it's crucial to always wear The Helmet of Salvation. To protect your ears and your mind from his nonsense." At the moment, my Helmet of Salvation was my hood on my sweater. So I threw that up and pulled the drawstrings tight. The problem now, was that I could no longer hear the birds and the lake. Stupid bug.

Being that I didn't have a whole lot of gas, I turned around and made my way back to the camper. That's when I made fire water, guys. You know that whole story. But something you don't know, is what God told me about the fire water as I was sitting patiently and waiting for it to get hot. 

That water in the pot is useless to you unless it's sat in the fire for awhile. Once it endures for some time, it will get hot and can be used to clean and purify and make dirty things like new. 

C'mon. You get it, right? Sometimes we have to suffer. Sometimes we have to sit in the fire for awhile until we are just right. When that is, only God knows. We just have to trust that He knows exactly when to pull us out so we can be useful to his kingdom. God also helped me realize through this fire water, that things might not turn out how you expect- but God always provides. He always comes through.

** I will recap the rest of the days on other posts. I fear if I write too much, you'll get bored and overwhelmed and possibly might not want to read what other crazy things I have to say. So, hold tight, friend. There's more to follow!