Survival

SIDE NOTE: So, I realize that I had a bit of a freak out last night. I apologize for my outburst of negativity, especially to my husband who endured the worst of it. A few days ago something happened and my right hip has been killing me ever since. It is usually something I can do my best to ignore and go through my day. Yesterday, however, it got real bad much earlier than normal and I was rushing to the bathtub for a scalding hot bath before Mike and Sophia were even finished with their dinner. The HOT bubble bath was spectacular! I didn't feel any pain whatsoever while I was in it. Problem is... I got dizzy and lightheaded and was pretty sure I was going to pass out and drown... no good. So I got out. 4 extra strength Tylenol and a hubby hip massage later, it was still killing me. I was panicking and a little devil started whispering in my ear and reminding me that I still have 7 weeks left of this.. 7 WEEKS!!!! I didn't know how I would survive the night let alone 7 more freaking weeks! It seemed so big and I felt so defeated and miserable. Luckily I somehow fell asleep and slept pretty good through the night.

This morning I woke to my wonderful hubby doing what he always does, kissing me goodbye and telling me he loves me. This is a ritual that has become part of our everyday. I have come to depend on those seemingly insignificant 2 seconds of my day. It reminds me that it is a new day. That Mike still loves me. That God isn't done with me yet. I had forgotten all the pain I had endured the night before and just laid there basking in the "everyday love" I am so blessed to receive from my best friend in this world. I realized that I usually wake slightly and then go right back to sleep when he leaves the room. I take this 2 seconds for granted. What happened if tomorrow he didn't kiss me goodbye? What if tomorrow he didn't tell me loved me on his way to work?

 I know being a military wife, this is a harsh reality. At some point (sometimes several points) we have to endure several months or more of our husbands not falling asleep or waking up next to us. It becomes apart of our lives and we deal with it. We do the best we can with what we have and we move forward. But, I think we are able to appreciate the 2 second goodbye kisses in the morning maybe a little bit better than the average married couple. I think we learn to appreciate the random texts through out the day reminding us that he loves us so much and thinks we are the most beautiful thing. And we mind picking up his dirty socks a little less.

Most of the time we treat our relationships like there is a tomorrow. Like we can always apologize later, or tell them we love them later. We have tomorrow or next week to show them we care. What if tomorrow doesn't come? What if today is all you have? Maybe we won't go to bed mad anymore? Maybe we won't put off for tomorrow what should be said or done today? Maybe we will take an extra few minutes to appreciate what we have? Maybe I will stop "surviving" this pregnancy and start doing the best I can to enjoy it, being that it is my last?

Maybe we should all stop "surviving" our lives and start living them. Stop trying to hurry and get through the day or get through our child's terrible 2's phase. Stop rushing through life and slow down enough to see what we actually have. The blessings that have been given us as a gift. Our jobs, our families, our husbands and wives, our friends and neighbors. These are things many people don't have, but pray for every day.  

Lila Ruth

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was scheduled for my first routine cesarean section (Grace had been an emergency c-section). I was scared as all get out, because it was also my first military birth. I had heard that my OB was an extremely good doctor, although I am pretty sure he slept through the bedside manner part of his schooling (he was a HUGE jerk!!). I was 38 weeks along and at Trident Hospital in Charleston, SC. I was getting all prepped and ready for surgery and things were nervous, but exciting at the same time. They told my husband (now ex) to wait outside the operating room until they had me all prepped and ready. The anaesthesiologist came in and looked VERY tired, but seemed like he knew what he was doing. This was my first spinal block and I was nervous, but had 2 epidurals in the past and was confident it was going to go smoothly. He tried a total of THREE times before he finally got it right and gave me the medication into my spine. (This mistake wound up causing me a spinal headache and 2 weeks of laying COMPLETELY flat (not even a pillow)...) The OB waited a few minutes and then poked me, I could still feel him, so they had the bed tipped and I swear I was upside down and almost on the floor! Finally it was numb enough that I was able to endure the surgery and stop sobbing in pain. My husband came in and sat next to me and after a few minutes we heard her cry for the first time. When we finally saw her, she was so amazing! Chubby and bald and wonderful.

She was my first bald child and my first child to take to breastfeeding like it was something we had been doing together for years. We named her Lila (a beautiful old lady name) Ruth (my great-grandma and my mom's middle name). From the day we brought her home she was nothing but a complete joy. She was beyond easy and happy as the day is long! As an infant she would wake in her crib and just play with her hands and feet until I woke up and went in to get her. When I walked in she would greet me with the biggest smile in the world! Her dad always called her a bass because she had this huge and silent smile that took up her whole face. When I was sad or crying she would crawl up to me and start giggling or making funny noises to make me laugh. Once I stopped crying, she would go back to playing.

Lila has always brightened the room when she enters it and I believe she always will. Her personality is one that draws people to her and her heart is so pure and loving. Since she was a baby she has loved to make people laugh. To this day, the crazy things she says and does make everyone giggle. She is a natural genius (I am not surprised being that her father is too). Everything comes so easy to her and I am confident she will be an honor roll student in the future. At 2 years old she baffled people at how she could clearly sing every word to 'Lovin Touchin Squeezin' by Journey. The girl can still memorize about any song she hears more than once. 

I am so glad to have been blessed by being the one to be Lila's mommy. I adore and love her so much and the past 6 years have been an absolute joy with her. I am humbled that I was put in charge of raising one of God's finest creations. Happy birthday to my sweet, funny, and kinda crazy Lila Ruth. I love you more than this blog could ever describe.  

Christ-Like

My children attend an AWANA program every Wednesday evening during the school year at a local church here in Hinesville. I love how much of the Bible my children have been learning and I love the people who are committing to be there every week to teach them. I have, however, come across a couple of people who have been very cold and rude to me (I don't think they are this way to my girls, though..). I am unsure if I have offended them in some way, or if they maybe just don't like me. But, either way, John 13:35 continues to pop in my head. It is a beautiful and short verse that explains how, as a Christian, you don't have to wear a sign or walk around bashing people on the head with the Bible. People will know you are a Christian by your love for one another. How you treat others with kindness and love. Even those who are strangers, and even more so, those who are your "enemies".  If I didn't know these people are involved in their church and actively volunteer with the children, I would have guessed they didn't know Jesus at all. 

The message today at church definitely coincides with this. What I am saying to others and how I am treating others (especially those who I may not enjoy being around or who seem to constantly irritate me) is a direct reflection of my love and relationship with Christ. If I am truly walking with the Lord and following Christ, then I should be treating people as I would my own family. We are all family in Christ and as different as we are, we need to love each other in spite of our differences. We are not worthy to judge or condemn. We were made to love. So that old saying mom always repeated, "think before you speak", will be in the forefront of my mind and I hope yours too.

I have continued to be amazing by the love and generosity I am witnessing here in Georgia. The wonderful people I am meeting through Restoration Church has changed my outlook on people and the relationships I have with them. "Southern Hospitality" has nothing to do with it (as most of these people are military and aren't actually from here), but Jesus is the one responsible. NO doubt in my mind.

 My family has been overwhelmed with blessings from people who range from close friends, all the way to perfect strangers. I look at the accumulating pile of baby items that were generously given to us, and I am amazed. The average Joe would have sold these things and could have made quite a bit of money on them. But, these God-fearing people just want to love on us and help us out. We were given an extremely generous blessing the other day that goes to show how God moves and works and always provides. This blessing was anonymous, which bothered me at first because I sincerely wanted to thank them and tell them what is means for us. But, I realize, that this "anonymous" didn't do it for the glory, but rather to give the glory to God. Therefore, it has been God who has been getting the thanks from me. The one who deserves it most.

 We are so blessed to be here and be witnessing the amazing power of the Holy Spirit working in people's lives. To be the direct target of it so often is overwhelming and humbling. We do not deserve this, but we will do whatever we can to serve and love on others as we are constantly being loved on. Praise HIM for all he is doing for us. We are "grateful lovers at your feet".

Annoying VS Blessing

On Friday I was laying down during Sophia's nap time, trying to sleep. I have been so fatigued lately and just feeling exhausted and run down all the time. Unfortunately, I also have a mind that won't stop running! So as I lay there, my mind racing with millions of things that I have to accomplish before this baby arrives, I decided that I needed to get up and do something. Being super broke, I decided to go through the ginormous tote of clothes that I have been saving for a yard sale, and try to sell them online.

As I am sorting the sizes and posting them for sale online, I begin receiving emails from wanting moms. This started my entire day of meeting some great women with incredible stories to tell. One woman came to get some clothes for her daughter is turning 5 this month. She told me about how her daughter has leukemia and so they didn't really know what to expect. I promised I would pray for her and I will continue praying for their family.

Another woman (only 23 years old) had a newborn baby girl and a 3 year old daughter as well. She was referring to her newborn as her "miracle baby" and explained to me how her and her husband had lost a son. When I inquired more, she explained how at a 21 week ultrasound, they were devastated to find out that their son was missing half of his brain and head.

I have been realizing the gifts the Lord has blessed me with, one of them being resiliency. I have endured some terrible events in my life, and in spite of the odds, have not been left with a cold and hardened heart. But, could I handle something like this? Losing one of my children? I pray to God that he never tests me on this. Meeting these women have opened my eyes to the little things I don't thank God for. When they are running around with more energy than a hurricane, I get annoyed and frustrated and tell them to go run it off outside. When my two year old wants me to sing her yet ANOTHER song before bed and my back is killing me and all I want is to be in my own bed. When they are stubborn, strong willed, energetic, repetitive, and seem to always be where I don't want them to be (ie: following me into the bathroom...). I have realized how empty and dark my life would be without all of these wonderful traits that I don't appreciate. I know that if something tragic happened, I would be begging for them to be able to bust in on my showers.

So yesterday I was tired and worn out, but I knew it was the last day we would get to spend with Gracie as a family before she leaves for Minnesota. She wanted to go to the pool and stay up late playing games as a family. How in the world could I say no to this? And you know what? I had a blast at the pool! It was super fun and I even got a little sun on my ridiculously white skin! I made Gracie's favorite dinner and got struck with heartburn right after. It was short lived, as I am pretty sure God wanted us to play monopoly too : ) Heartburn leaves me exhausted and drained, not to mention my back was killing me. But Gracie's wanted to play monopoly with us. I would've rather been in bed... but I played. Of course, I had a blast playing too! Mike and Grace are hilarious with how they pick at each other and tease each other. It is like a modern day 3 stooges watching them (only there's 2..). 

The moral of this story? I have learned to find blessings where I used to find annoyance. I have learned to appreciate what I have ignored, and to say "Thank you Jesus!" for these things. I will not take my children for granted and I will not pass up an opportunity to spend more time with them. Along with my husband, they are my most treasured on this Earth. I look forward to what today brings and I pray you do too.

This Thing Called Blogging

Soo today marks the beginning of my blogging adventures. I am growing tired of Facebook and all the drama and disgusting "likes" I constantly see on there. It makes me want to delete most everyone on there, however, I am aware this will only cause more drama. It isn't that I don't love and adore my family and friends, it is just that I don't always agree with how they are portraying themselves with their activity on facebook. "Liking" all these pictures of people making out and half naked.. hmm.. do people not know what this is making themselves look like? Whatever happend to class and modesty? I understand some sweet quotes are great and all, but if its included with a picture of a guy groping a girl up her skirt... maybe we should just copy the quote instead of "liking" the picture, eh? I am at a point where my 10 year old daughter is going to have a lot less people on her facebook, including kids her age, because of things like this. It is sad and disheartening seeing what our youth is doing and becoming invloved in. I pray my girls keep their innocense as long as is humanly possible, and if that means Luci gets no friends on facebook.. so be it.

I am told that my facebook page is important to people in my family as we are living across the country from everyone. It is important for them to keep up to date with what is happening with the girls and our family, as well as see pictures of us all. This is why I have created this blog. I can keep everyone up on what we are doing and hang on to facebook for uploading pictures. Thanks for reading my rant and I pray you know I am not judging anyone, this is just for my own personal preference. Love yous guys : )

Another Rainy Summer Day

The past few days have been rainy and dreary. Not so good for a busy 2 year old and an easily bored 8 year old. On top of the weather dillema, there is also that whole money thing.. you know, where I have none. Half of Mike's paycheck has gone to Gracie's plane ticket to bring her to MN to spend the summer with her dad. However, she doesn't leave until next Tuesday, which means I have to find ways to entertain her without her normal friends (Luci and Lila), and without money. This was going to bring us to the splash parks in housing. We went a couple of times already, and although it was short lived both times, it was fun nonetheless. But, with the rain, we are trapped in this prison we also call home.

Yesterday was a rough day. I was so incredibly cranky and couldn't, for the longest time, pinpoint why. It was when Mike came home that I realized how bad it was. I was instantly terrible and horrible and mean. Was it because I was jealous that he gets to leave this house and associate with other adults? Was it because he was complaining of how rough he was having it and I wanted to scream that I had it worse? Or was it maybe just the typical pregnancy hormones creeping up on me again, threatening to destroy everyone in their path?

After Mike left I was laying in bed attempting a nap to chill myself out and starting praying. Asking God to help me relax and realize why the heck I was being so wretched. The only thing that came to mind was banana bread. God was telling me to get my butt up and bake with my daughter. I went and grabbed her out of her room and the two of us made our way to the kitchen. I was relaxed and let her do just about everything. With the exception of a few things, Gracie made the 4 batches of banana bread on her own. It was nice to spend time with her, but the best part was the immense joy and satisfaction she got out of it.

I realized while the bread was baking and Gracie was applying load after load of make up to my face (making me look like I should be wearing a price tag.. but of course I "loved it and thought it was so beautiful") that instead of dwelling on why I was cranky and what to do about it, God distracted me and helped me to just move forward. In moving forward I realized I was just going stir crazy and needed to find some fun. I apologized to Mike for being so nasty and decided I was going to stop looking at my home like a prison and start appreciating the things we can do here.