Change is coming.. ready or not..

It was a Monday when I called my husband to chat about this or that. He was harsh and very sharp-toned with me. He had no patience for my usual silly nonsense. He was driving with most of our kids in his truck and told me he had to go. He was too mad to talk to me right then. I was at my mom's house visiting, and knew I needed to leave right away. Whatever had happened, my Mama Bear mentality kicked in and I knew I needed to protect Mike from the kids, and the kids from Mike. 

I arrived home not long before them, and as the kids began piling out of the vehicle, I simply stared them down with the "what did you do?!" mom look. Mike assured me almost immediately that the kids were fine. They had done nothing wrong. So, I relaxed my face and gave my babies their hugs and kisses and gently asked them to go in the house so I could chat with their dad. 

"So what's wrong? What happened?" I asked. I had assumed, since the kids hadn't been terrible, that it must be work. Work is the only thing that makes him this mad, and it's usually because he consistently gets the short end of every stick. I also knew that he had put in for some vacation time. We had hoped to travel to Georgia to visit our family/friends there at the end of the month. I assumed he had finally gotten a hold of someone and was denied his vacation time... again...

He looked at me, smirked facetiously, and said, "I got fired."

Say what, now?!? Fired?! Oh, he is being silly. Trying to make light of the situation and tell his weird jokes. He couldn't be serious...

"No, really. They just called and told me my route is being terminated due to Popeye's using a different distributor." (Mike predominately delivers to Popeye's Chicken in the cities.)

Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. 

The absence of panic, fear, anxiety, and frustration were deafening. Why wasn't I freaking out? Why wasn't I mad? Why wasn't I giving Mike crazy creepy smirks out of my insane frustration with this mismanaged company?! 

Oh, yeah. Because God. God had been preparing us for this. He knew a long time ago this was coming and He's been prepping us- even in the last week.

Let's back up to early September. On a whim, I decided to apply for an administrative position at the nearby prison, thinking it sounded really interesting. I applied online and honestly, I forgot all about it. 

Fast forward back to the Friday before Mike's angry work call. I received an email from the prison. It was asking me to interview for a specific position that sounds absolutely amazing! I was instantly hooked and incredibly interested. But, is this a good thing? Should I go to work full time? The pay is great and the benefits are way better than our current ones. The job sounds interesting and would basically give me a place to be until I retire. This would be a career. Am I ready for this? After years of odd jobs and amazing temporary places, my kids are all in school, settled, and ready for mom to do something for her. Or are they? 

I called Mike right away and told him only the facts. That I got an email, it's asking me to interview. What does he think? Mike was immediately excited and said it sounded wonderful! He thought I should interview and try to get the job. He said he had a feeling, a hunch, that Popeye's might be switching distributors within the year. He said, he felt like God was beginning to move the pieces around and set us up for a change. This was potentially one of those pieces. 

I decided to take the interview (which I have yet to do, as they were preparing interview dates and times and will get back to me sometime this coming week). 

Then Monday happened. I had peace. I was in no way concerned that our main source of income, and our only source of medical, dental, and vision was about to be done. We had 2 weeks. Only 2 weeks to come up with new sources. But I was fine. Actually, I was more than fine. I was excited. This was it! These were the pieces being moved around that Mike unknowingly prophesied about. This was God changing things up for us! This was the opportunity I had yearned for. The chance for Mike to leave a job that was killing him and to step out in faith and do something that might actually bring him joy. 

That was the day I decided to dive in and send out my resume to everyone everywhere. Seriously, guys, I applied for jobs that I am not even close to qualified for. I might have even applied for a surgeon position.. it's all a blur now... 

Killed the 1st interview!

I immediately got called back on 3 other interviews, and 3 other phone interviews. Secretly, I am still hoping for the first interview (the one that hasn't happened yet) to be the job that I get. That's the one that excites me the most and sparks an interest within me that I haven't had in awhile. (You know, what with all the wiping butts, cooking meals, feeding dogs, brushing hair, giving baths, and other mom/wife things that have occupied my every thought.)

I asked God to guide me. Lead me to His will for my job life. Where does He want me? I don't want to make any mistakes and I don't want to go where He doesn't go first. 

Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.- Exodus 33:15

So I went to the first interview. I was so relaxed and comfortable and on top of my game. It went really well and I know I impressed the gentleman who interviewed me. This company wound up calling me back the next day to meet the other owner. I went back in for a second interview and had the best time! I was so connected with this amazing woman. I left feeling conflicted because this would have been a perfect job for me with amazing people who I got along so well with! However, I couldn't get the prison job out of my head.

2nd interview- Success!

I begged God to let this company pick someone else for the position if this wasn't His will for me. I begged Him to not ask me to pick. I wanted Him to pick. Honestly, I don't know which I would've chosen, and I agonized for days over it. 

Yesterday, I went to another interview. It was for a position with a different office within the Department of Corrections. A very interesting job with some amazing people. Dangit! Not again! I had hoped these jobs would suck and the people would be awful, so I would not be conflicted about wanting another job other than the one my heart was set on. I really did not want to have to choose. 

This morning I found an email in my inbox that informed me I was not chosen for the position that I had 2 interviews with. There was my answer. God had chosen for me and while I was so grateful, I was honestly a little disappointed. I don't know if it's rejection issues or pride, but there's a broken thing in me that desperately wants everyone to accept me, love me, and approve of me. This company chose someone else- as I had specifically asked God to arrange, pending His plans. So I should've been relieved, and most of me was. I guess this waiting is teaching me a lot.

Prison interview! Then babysitting...

Later this afternoon I received a call back from Monday's interview with the DOC. They were really impressed with me, and would like a second interview with me this coming Thursday. I don't know what will come of this, but I pray that God, again, will intervene and choose for me. If this is it, it wouldn't be terrible at all. I really think I would love this job, but I need to be where God leads me in order to maintain this perfect peace. 

Whatever it looks like, I have to trust Him. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9