My failing heart

My heart and flesh may fail

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion

Forever

Psalm 73:26

 

 

My heart and flesh may fail.

 

What does that even mean? Ok, so my flesh may fail.. that's an easy one. We give in to temptations of the flesh all the time. Lusting after things that feel good. Sex, gluttony, drugs, alcohol, you name it. Whatever makes me feel good at the time. It's not always easy to stand against these temptations and do what we know is right in God's eyes.

 

But what about my heart?

 

 

This has been ringing in my ears and I have had to do some serious praying on this.

 

We are told since we are just little children to follow our hearts. To go where our hearts lead us and to do what our hearts desire. "The heart wants what the heart wants." But what is it that God says about the heart?

 

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

 

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

 

Luke 12:34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

 

Ezekiel 36: 26-27 I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands.

 

So here is what we can get from these scriptures. Our hearts should never lead us. Ever. Because the heart can be manipulated. The heart is weak and deceitful. It makes us believe that things are ok because they make us happy. But that's not truth. That's emotion. 

 

I wanted so desperately to be loved and accepted and cherished that just about every guy who flattered me, wound up holding my heart and my body. That is what this verse is referring to. I believed I was in love because he said all the things that my heart longed to hear. He spoke softly and sweetly and touched me with what I believed to be loving hands.

 

Looking back it's very clear to me that all those times in my life when I was deceived by my poor broken heart, weren't love. Not even close. It was a sad and pitiful substitute and didn't even resemble the real thing. But my heart believed it because it wanted it so desperately.

 

But God. He has done what He promised. He has taken the broken, bruised, shattered pieces of my heart and He has given me a new one. A better one. He has breathed His Spirit into me and given me the wisdom to recognize real love. Genuine and authentic. The kind of love that is Him. He has shown me what it feels like to receive what I longed for my whole life. He has showered me with the love of a Daddy, a protector, a lover, a friend, a companion.

I fully believe that Holy Spirit causes my heart to speed up in my chest and my breath to quicken. He makes my knees shaky and my hands tremble. He draws the tears out of seemingly nowhere and turns me into a blubbering mess. This is what happens when I allow God to touch my heart. Not man. Not things. God. My entire body and soul react in a way that leaves me completely out of control of my own skin.

 

I will never long for that love again. As long as I continue listening to His quiet and gentle leading. As long as I keep Him first and foremost in my life. As long as I choose to pour out my worship on Him and receive His love in return.

I know that when I desire something so badly, I need to bring it before the Father first. I need to ask Him if this is what He wants. He is faithful and will never fail me. I trust Him even when I don't necessarily agree with Him. I have to. If I don't want to be led astray and wind up flat on my face with my heart broken once again. I have to rely on the One who cares most about my soul, my life, my heart, my wellbeing, my holiness, and my joy. He is the one who will do what is best. Even if my heart disagrees.

I may fail again. It's not even a question. As long as I am in this sinful world and wearing this sinful body, I will fail. But, I cling to the promise that God will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever.