You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear a sound
My family is suffering. Feeling lost, hopeless, and abandoned. Loneliness grips them and all they can do it breathe and continue on with their schedules and their routines.
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
One of my sisters is going through daily unimaginable tragedy as she and her family watch her mother in law slowly and violently fade into death's certain arms. Huntington's Disease has wrapped itself around this incredible woman and laid it's claim inside of her. I never had the privilege of knowing this woman before her diagnosis began overtaking her body and morphing her into a shell of who she once was. I know her daughter and I have seen the amazing beauty shining from deep within her. She is incredibly intelligent and has a patient and gentle kindness about her. She has taken her authentic unconditional love and soothed the bitter, angry, and hurting girl inside of my sister. She has shown her the love of God before I ever even knew how. So the woman who raised this amazing and beautiful person must be breathtaking. Behind the violent spasms and constant shaking, I see her intelligent eyes. The beauty and frustration that lies in them while trying to force her mouth to say the words her mind is thinking.
You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope always stands
For You hold me in your hand
My other family members are battling different issues, yet dark and troubling nonetheless. There are hurting hearts, desperate cries, hopelessness, long lonely nights, and fearful days. Doubting the security of their families and feeling helpless to do anything about it. Sitting alone night after night and wondering when they will have a companion to share their life with.
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
I see them in my mind when I close my eyes, but I think I see them very differently than they see themselves. I see one sitting alone on her bed. Crying and sad. Yearning for someone to fill the empty spaces in her home, in her life, and in her heart. But all around her is not empty space. Not even close. I see wispy white dazzling wind encircling her like a cartoon. I see bright beautiful light filling every corner, forcing out all dark shadows. I see Jesus kneeling before her and gazing up at her with such love and adoration. Waiting patiently for her to notice his presence. For his beloved to feel him there with her.
How deep
How wide
How great is Your love for me
I see another, busying herself with all the cares of her family. Running errands and cleaning floors and hugging her babies. Kissing her husband and asking him about his day. Pasting a smile on her face and struggling so hard to count all these beautiful blessings. Struggling to push the anxieties out of her mind. Trying with everything she has to remember the promises God has made to her and to cling to them. But the lies and the worries creep in through the cracks of every idle moment. Fears of "what ifs". Doubts due to what the world is showing and telling her. Wanting to give up. To raise her white flag and choose to settle for what the world is offering. But I see white, dazzling, glorious light. I see a wispy figure dancing all around her as she moves throughout her home and her life. There is a melody. A rhythm. A musical quality surrounding her. Constantly being sung over her and danced all around her in the spirit realm that her eyes cannot see. At work. In the courtroom. In her home. In her bedroom. In her car. Everywhere. God is rejoicing over her. A daddy overjoyed with his baby girl. He paints beautiful portraits in the sky for her every day. Even in the rain and the snow she recognizes his masterpiece all around her. The only thing she is missing is that when she looks in the mirror she needs to believe that she is His masterpiece.
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
I see my sister with her family as they go through another day of watching such a marvelous woman crumble to pieces before their eyes. I see them crying in lonely quiet places where they think no one sees. I see them angry and frustrated and ready to walk away. I see their hearts being ripped and torn apart, waiting for the next distraction that will allow them to come up for air. But I also see a great cloud of witnesses surrounding their home and their lives. I see people who have passed on encouraging them and praying for them. I see my Grandma looking proudly on her granddaughter and the strong woman she is forced to be. I see a Daddy gazing at his daughters with so much love. For them to put aside their wants and desires just to be sure that this woman leaves this world with those she loves most surrounding her... it's something to make a daddy puff his chest out and stand tall with pride for his girls. Their sacrifice is seen. It is heard. It echoes throughout Heaven and it's adding onto the glory they will one day experience when they, too, leave this world.
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
It's in these darkest places that it's hardest to see the light. But I was told recently that a single candlelight can be seen for 30 miles in the darkness. So I will keep praying for my family. I will keep encouraging my family. I will trust that Holy Spirit is filling their hearts and their homes as I type this. Giving them encouragement, comfort, and peace. Having the hope that comes only from Jesus will change everything. Even if that hope is as small as a single candle. It's enough to get you through to the other side of the darkness.
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. ~ Deut 31:8
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