I wish there was a "Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future" in real life. I wish there was a real magic 8 ball to answers all the tough questions and help us make the right choice, especially in the really big decisions. But there isn't. There is God (who is infinitely better than the other options- just not always as obvious) to lead us and guide us on our journey. But we have to make the choice to be still and listen closely. God doesn't always scream things at us from the top of His lungs, sometimes He whispers.
1 Kings 19:11-12 NIV
The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
My husband joined the Army before we began dating. He joined as a single guy with nothing tying him down or holding him back. Then I waltzed into his life (lucky guy) and brought a bunch of little girls along with me. When we re-enlisted a couple of years ago, it was not an easy decision to come by. It was mostly hard because we were considering everyone's outside opinion. Our family and friends and what they wanted. Ultimately, it came down to us making the best choice for our family, regardless of what others wanted. We are here again. The "window for re-enlistment" has opened and we are at a cross roads. Which way do we go?
On one hand we could choose to end Mike's contract and start a life in the civilian world. This would require finding a fabulous job with zero college education. It would mean I would have to go back to work to help ease the financial burden. It would mean selling a car or two (how would we both get to work then?). It would mean getting rid of our little luxuries- cable, internet, vacations, dinners eating out, and extra activities for the girls. Will it mean waiting in line at the food shelf? Will it mean waiting for hours at the welfare office to apply for financial assistance? Will it mean fighting with my husband over stressful money matters? Will it mean ultimately resenting and hating each other? All I know, is that it will be a tough adjustment.
There are benefits to getting out of the military, don't get me wrong. Mike would never have to deploy to a war torn country to fight and risk his life for months at a time only to come back emotionally and mentally worn. He wouldn't have to miss birthdays, anniversaries, first days of school, and holidays. He would be there every day to kiss and hold his children. (This is all assuming, of course, that he doesn't get a job as an over the road truck driver, or something along those lines..)
The other hand holds the military and all it's frustrating benefits. I say frustrating, because it really is a good life, but it all comes at a price. Mike would go to the promotion board and make E6 very soon. He would then have to decide whether we PCS (permanent change of station- basically moving to another post) to one of many great options, including Hawaii or maybe Germany (could you imagine the experience for us and our children? And all paid for by the US Army?). Or we could stay at Ft Stewart for at least another year, which will most likely end up in Mike deploying next year. We would have a guaranteed place to live, guaranteed food on our table and clothes on our backs. Guaranteed health insurance and dental coverage (c'mon, you know at least 1 or 2 of these girls is going to need braces). Financial security and stability. It is a beautiful thing. It also would mean vacations, activities, cable.. all the little over indulgences we love. It would mean no fighting about money. No stress about how we will pay our next phone bill. It would mean safety.
But, there are those frustrations I mentioned. The price that comes with our safety and security. Mike could deploy. He could be sent to one of the terrible places that are all over the news. Iraq? Afghanistan? I dread the thought, but it's possible. He would be guaranteed to miss birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. It would mean sometimes watching his children grow up through pictures and phone calls. It would mean him not being able to tuck them in every night and kiss them before bed. It would be a hefty price.
There are scary factors for both roads. There are also great benefits for both. Although money isn't everything, when you have 5 daughters- it is a must to consider. 5 proms (or more), 5 college educations, 5 weddings, 5 teenagers with growing clothing needs and school supplies, 5 birthdays every year, 5 people to Christmas shop for. It's not cheap to give your children the life you dream for them. So what do we do? Where do we go? Which road do we take? There is no magic 8 ball for this. This is real life and every decision we make has real life consequences.
So, I leave it at the cross once again. I did it yesterday, and I will have to do it again tomorrow when the nagging thoughts, questions, and feelings sneak into my head and heart again. I will worry about it, but when I find myself doing so, I will have to choose to get back on my knees and give it to God all over again. I don't know what the right choice it. Mike doesn't know either. But God does. He knows what is best for our family and He will bless us greatly in our obedience. So, I trust Him and His ways. I will do my very best to remove emotion and desires and let God work all this out for us. After all, He never fails.
James 1:5 NIV
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
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