My Fool Proof Way of Overcoming My Mouth

Proverbs 18:21 NLT

The tongue can bring death or life;
    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

Well, I don't know about you, but I love to talk. Those who know me know that it is a rare day that I don't have something to say. That is why this particular scripture is so important in my life. I am a very emotional being. I live, move, and breathe my emotions. This tends to be a blessing and a curse. While I am not shy to tell you that I care about you (and I truly mean it) and how gorgeous I think you might look today (which I also mean), I am also not shy to tell you when you have done something that really ticks me off.

I have learned over the course of my life how to really use my words to make someone feel like they can conquer the world, or worse- to make someone feel lower than dirt. It's not something I am proud of and I have been really working on guarding my mouth and making sure my words aren't spewing death over everyone.

I have this problem. It's a little thing called anger. (Remember when I said I am a very emotional being- yeah I don't just feel, I feel big. Like really passionately big.) When I get angry, often times I just blurt out something terrible. As soon as it comes out of my mouth I wish I could reach out and grab it and put it right back in before anyone hears me. Unfortunately, things don't work that way. Once the damage is done, there is no taking it back. I can swallow my pride, grovel, and beg for forgiveness, but the sting of my words linger.

That is why I have come up with a fool proof way of overcoming my mouth. My husband isn't exactly thrilled with it, because he knows when I start using this method, that I really want to actually say terrible things. So, in his mind he is imagining the terrible things I want to say VS the things I am actually saying. Maybe I should just bite my tongue all together and keep my mouth shut, but I haven't yet mastered that- so I will stick with my method for now. You ready for it? Here it is...

I get angry and upset and want to lash out and say something terrible.. Instead I compliment. I tell my husband that I love him so much. I tell him I find him to be the most attractive man I know. That he is so funny and smart and I adore him. Mind you, when I am doing this I am pretty ticked off, therefore my tone isn't very kind. There have been some times that I have been speaking these things through tightly gritted teeth. The point is, that I am choosing to speak life over him, even when I want to speak death. I want to tell him I think he is being a jerk and yada yada... instead- I choose to love him.

Mike voiced that he feels like I am lying because I am actually angry during these moments of huffing and puffing out words of love and encouragement. I disagree. I really do love him. I really do feel like he is the most attractive man I know. I really do find him to be funny and smart and I really do adore him. I am not lying. I realize that these words might not feel very genuine at these times, but they are always genuine. I love this man (or my children- cause I definitely use this method with them too) even when I am so mad at him that I can't stand to look at him. I love this man even when he says or does something hurtful or stupid. I love this man even when I want to strangle him. I guess this is my way of reminding myself of all the wonderful things that I love- to distract myself from sitting too long on the negative things.

I will keep working toward complete self control. I will continue working on just shutting my mouth all together. I will keep working on this because I know it would make my husband even happier. But, until I learn to bite my tongue and swallow my anger, I will continue to use my method. I will continue to say something positive when my flesh can't help but blurt something- anything- from my mouth. And on the occasions when I screw up and say something terrible, I will continue to grovel and beg for forgiveness, because my husband and my children deserve better from me.