From high heels to bare feet

So I did it. I quit my job. A job that I loved. A job that allowed me to give back to the people of my community in more ways than anything else had. A job that gave me a sense of fulfillment. A job that made me feel more than just a wife and mommy. I had the best boss anyone could ever dream of. A boss that gave me the flexibility of choosing my own hours. A boss that allowed me to grow in my position and not keep me in a box while always looking over my shoulder. I was trusted. I was appreciated. I was actually doing something. So why did I quit this amazing job you wonder?

I can give you six reasons. One of which I am married to and the other five that are basically shorter versions of myself. My family was beginning to suffer. I would get home at the same time as my husband, being tired and not wanting to cook or clean or.. anything. I would spend maybe a total of 3 hours with my children every day before they had to go to bed for school. This was only on the days that I didn't have a Bible study or appointment to run off to. On those days.. I wouldn't see them at all.

Now, I am fully aware and understanding to the fact that many moms do this. They have to. They have to help provide financial stability for their families, and I commend them. They make daily sacrifices and there is no other option. For my family, this isn't the case. I made really good money at my incredible job, but after gas, daycare, lunches, etc... I barely came out ahead. I didn't take this job for the money. My situation was rare and beautiful. I was offered an amazing job that I loved, and I took it because I wanted to- not because I had to.

A few months ago, while cleaning my Grace's room, I found a journal. I am fully aware that I shouldn't have read it.... but let's be honest- you would have read it too. It was basic stuff you would read in an almost 10 year old girl's journal. "Today was good. I ate chicken for lunch. My favorite color is green." Yada yada yada... Well then I came across a day that had big sad faces drawn on it. It began to describe how that day the worst day ever. (I'm paraphrasing here..) "My mom is never home anymore. When she comes home it is only for a minute before she goes off to some Bible study. I miss her and I can't even remember what she looks like anymore."

Then there's my Hazel and Sophia. They had a wonderful babysitter who they adore. Mondays were always easy dropping them off. We would get there and they would run and play with the toys and would hardly say goodbye. By Friday, though... Sophia would give me about 100 goodbye hugs and kisses and Hazel would cry when I left. That. Was. Hard.

After much praying and crying and fighting... I decided I needed to go back to stay-at-home-wife-and-mommy. It was so hard. I argued with God a lot about it. I just wanted to be sure He was actually telling me to go... Cause I wanted Him to tell me to stay so badly. But, alas.. I had the talk with my beautiful boss (and dear friend). It was so hard. I didn't want to do it. I was choking the words out of the throat.. But I finally said it. As soon as I did I felt a rush of peace. I was going to be ok. I had to come to terms with it and finally decided that although she could always find someone capable of filling my position, my family couldn't find a replacement mom and wife. (Well I suppose they could- but do I really want them to?!)

So I am back to sweeping the floor and chasing after Hazel with a baby wipe and a vacuum. I am back to wiping noses and changing stinky diapers. I am back to cooking (I find now that I actually missed cooking) and baking. I am back to picking up toys all day and making snacks constantly (these kids eat. ALOT!). As hard as it has been to figure out how to do all over again... it's beautiful. I wouldn't change it for anything. I get to wake up... slowly. I get to have endless kisses and hugs from my tender hearted Sophia. I get to make my Hazel laugh like crazy at my silliness. Don't get me wrong, it is exhausting. Even my bones are tired by the time I lay Hazel down for bed. My patience runs thin at times and I have to whip out my "man voice" to get my point across. The messes never end, the sippy cup never stays full, and SpongeBob seems to have been permanently adopted as my "I have to take a shower babysitter". But I get to experience all the little things that I have missed and that are so precious and fleeting. I don't have to miss a thing anymore, and I am beyond grateful. I loved working outside the home, and I love working inside of it once again. Grass can be greener on your side of the fence... you just have to water it once in awhile.