Here we go again...

Silence. There was nothing to say. The trees whizzed by and the highway laid out before us. But there was no words. The closer we got to the drop off point, the tighter the knot in my stomach and the faster my heart began pounding. My face was stoic and my tears were nowhere to be found. I had to be strong right? For my children, who needed my comfort. For my husband, who needed my strength. Swallowing the rising lump in my throat, we arrived and unloaded his bags. The same place we left him when he deployed last year.

But, its only 3 months.... And, at least he's staying stateside.... Oh- and my favorite one.. well, you are military.... Yes. It is not a war zone. It is 3 months, instead of 9 or 12. And, this was our decision to re-enlist and continue in this life. Does any of those facts make it easier to be separated from my best friend, my companion, my co-parent, my lover, my partner in this crazy life? No. Being military doesn't make us impenetrable. It just means, we are better than most at keeping our heads down and weathering the storm. It means we appreciate the good night kisses a little bit more than most, and we squeeze every goodbye a little tighter.

If you are not military, then I do not expect you to understand. It's not your fault, it's just that you haven't walked a mile in my shoes. Most of you have never had to be away from the love of your life for months at a time, without any promise of phone service, emails, and most likely no visits. Most of you have never had to comfort your 12 year old as she cries about her dad leaving.. again. Most of you have never watched your 4 year old slowly come unraveled over a period of a couple weeks, as she builds up to the final hug and kiss she will get to give her daddy. Most of you have never had your hearts break as you watch your oblivious 1.5 year old give kisses to her most favorite person, unaware that when she gets home tonight... he won't be there. Most of you have never felt the sting of knowing that over the first 24 months of your child's life, her daddy will have missed 12 of them.

I won't ask for your pity. I won't ask for your help. I won't ask for your understanding. I will, however, ask for your compassion. I will ask for your patience as I, once again, figure out how to be a single mom. And I ask for your prayers. The only reason we don't fall apart is HIM. The only way we will get through this is HIM. Trusting and holding onto HIS promises keeps us moving. Believing that HE is with us, holding us and making good of all of this. HE works all things out for good. Every time.


So off I go. Head down. Into the storm. Holding HIS hand until we get to the other side of it.