Shooting the Messenger

Being a brand new person is amazing. It is liberating and exciting and everything is just better. Food tastes better, my husband is more handsome than ever, the sky is no longer just a backdrop- but a masterpiece that I feel He must've painted just for me. My children's laughter is like music that I could dance to all day. My dogs are softer and gentler and more lovable than ever. Everything is just... better.

But there is a lot of challenge that comes with this new life. This dying to self and choosing to follow Jesus at all costs. All costs. It gets messy sometimes because people don't necessarily understand. They are still living where the sky is a backdrop.

God did some amazing work in me last weekend. A work that I am certain beyond any doubt I will never stray away from. It was an incredible Old Testament kind of experience. Something that cannot be explained with science or reason. But this thing that happened, it opened me up for the next chapter in this faith walk I'm on. With that, God showed me it's time to put down the milk and have some steak. That's right, folks, I started studying the Old Testament. But, since I tend to dance to the beat of my own drum, I didn't begin in Genesis, but in 1 Samuel. And I am so glad I did.

1 Samuel 2:29 NIV
Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?

See God was talking to his high priest, Eli. Eli had a responsibility to God and to His people. His sons were also priests. They were in charge of the offering to God. This offering was so important. It was meant to honor God and was used to seek forgiveness for the sins of all the people. Eli's sons were taking part in the offering before it was offered up to God. This was just one of many selfish and sinful things these men were doing. They were consumed with control, power, and possessions. Their behavior was beyond terrible and punishable by death. 

But Eli chose to ignore their behavior. He was very well aware of it, but he loved his sons. He didn't want the responsibility of having to execute them. He chastised them, but they continued in their ways and Eli continued ignoring them. The actions of these men ruined their lives, as well as the lives of many others. Yet Eli turned his cheek and chose to let it be...

Eli had a responsibility that extended way beyond being a father. He was the high priest in charge of the priests below him. He chose to honor his sons and fellow priests instead of honoring God. By doing nothing he was just as guilty as they were.

This really got me thinking about my own life and my relationships. I am a follower of Jesus. Which means I have chosen to throw the cares of this world away and give everything to Him. At all costs, remember? There have been times when I have been in a situation where I had the option of honoring God, or honoring my friend/husband/child. I had to choose. Is my relationship with this person more important that God? Am I willing to dishonor my Creator, my God, my Daddy, my best friend just so I don't hurt this person's feelings or make them angry with me?

Joshua 24:15 NIV
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then chose this day whom you will serve....

Yeah. Seriously. It's at those moments. In those tough situations, where God whispers, "Choose." I have grown to a point in my life that I have decided to stop caring what people think about me. My only concern is whether Jesus will be shaking his head or applauding my next move. I live and move and breathe to glorify Him and Him only. This is hard for those of you who knew the old me. The me who would agree to anything just because I didn't want to seem close-minded. The me who would jump through hoops and stretch myself thin just to make sure that you liked me.

I am not in any way saying that I am perfect. I am not saying that I am not going to screw up. After all, we are all jacked up! We all fall short of the glory of God. But, when I decide to call you out when you bring your junk to me; When I decide to love you enough to be the one to not pat you on the back and tell you what you did or are doing is ok, then please know where my heart is. I love you enough to want your life to glorify God. I love you enough to want you seated at that banquet with me. I love you enough to help hold you up and keep you pointed in the right direction. I love you enough to care more about your soul than your feelings. And I pray that you love me enough to do the same.

I don't want to tell you my opinions. I don't want to tell you my views. I want to tell you His truth. His Word. That's all. If what I say to you doesn't line up with the Word, then by all means.. call me out. Help me stay on the path too. But, know my heart is FOR you. Not against you. I know who I used to be and I know I never want to see that broken person ever again. If I start looking back at her... Call. Me. Out. Remind me who I am. Love me enough to risk my feelings for my holiness.