Sarah takes on DC (Double Chin)

I hate working out. I find very good reasons every day to avoid doing it. I have probably worked out a total of 5 times in my entire life. I'm almost 30 folks. That's pitiful. The reality is that I have never needed to. I mean sure, I never had a rock hard sexy toned body like all the celebrities and super models... but hey, I was never gonna be famous anyway. I have always been average for my weight and I was happy with it. Even after 4 kids I was able to lose weight by simply thinking about it. And eating one less cookie after dinner. But, I never really dieted or worked out and was still able to lose 30-45 pounds without trying.

Then I had my Hazel. Ok, in reality, I had major gall bladder issues and I only gained a total of 8 pounds in the pregnancy. She was almost 8 pounds at birth. You do the math.. I lost a lot of fat during that gall bladder hell. After Hazel, I looked better than I had in years. I was fabulous. Then my thyroid decided to kick me down a few notches. I had it removed (finding out only afterward that it had cancer growing in it) and started slowly but surely gaining weight. Great.

I cut out a cookie here and there and it didn't help. What?! You mean I am going to have to actually... TRY?!?! Ugh. So I tried watching what I ate. Kind of. I mean if you consider getting less mayo on my sub or not super sizing my combo.. then yeah. I watched it. It didn't help. I even worked out a couple of times. With a few months rest in between. It hurts the next day, ya know?

I thought there might be something wrong with me. I went to the doctor, as I am required to do every 3months, and cried to her about how I kept gaining. I have gained almost 50 pounds since having my thyroid removed. After blood testing, and a lot of tweaking of my medication, it turns out it probably isn't a medical thing. Is it impossible for me to lose weight now that I don't have a thyroid?! What have I done?!

My husband and I did a fast several months back. We cut out fried, greasy, and sweet foods. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. No sweet tea. No chocolate. You can imagine how pleasant and patient I was. After the first week I was a peach. Then I stepped on the scale. I had lost 7 pounds. Hmm.

I lost 30 pounds in a matter of weeks after a bad breakup many years ago. I had not cut any food out. I guess I was eating out less, but the reality was that I was going out. A lot. I had been going out to the pub with my sister every weekend to go dancing. We weren't even necessarily getting drunk (actually, we probably were). But we would dance. We would dance until we were covered in our own sweat, and probably each others too. We didn't feel the exhaustion in our muscles until we went home.

I needed something like that. Only, there is no way I am going to hang at the pub every weekend. So, I tried Zumba. Well, actually, my lovely husband bought it for me years ago and I took it out of the package all of 3 times. I think I have actually done it twice now. It is ok, but its kind of hard to keep up and I couldn't imagine even attempting to do it with other people. Especially if they all look like the girls on the video. Geez.

My Hazel was awake until 1am last night and I couldn't fall asleep until I knew she had.  Needless to say, today was a rough start. I was exhausted all morning and couldn't wait until nap time. I was definitely going to snuggle up in my warm cozy bed for a few hours. Then I passed a mirror.

Here's the thing, I have the reverse of an eating disorder. I have heard that people who suffer from anorexia or bulimia don't see themselves how we see them when they look in a mirror. They see someone much bigger and chunkier than they actually are. When I look in a mirror, however, I see someone who aint half bad. Go get 'em girl ;)

But today, I wasn't happy with the person looking back at me. That woman was tired. Exhausted. Bags under her eyes and a rapidly growing double chin. When did I get to this point? My eyes have always been eyes that saw beauty in everything. Everyone. Even myself. Even at my worst times in life. It's how I have kept going through all the junk. Seeing the bright side and the beauty in the midst of the storms. But today... I saw a cranky, tired, ragged looking sad woman with dead eyes. Yuck. 


So, I got on my sports bra. (I despise this thing. It literally crushes my boobs and feels like I am getting a mammogram. But, it's pretty dandy to have around when you get to jumping and running, ya know?) I tied my disheveled hair into a bun and grabbed my earbuds. I climbed onto the elliptical and started off slow. I decided I didn't want to push myself too much and wind up quitting. I checked the clock to make sure I don't go a minute over 15 minutes. Slowly at first and building some speed. Then a song came on and began serenading me through my earbuds.

"I can feel your healing oil running down my brow. I wouldn't trade another lifetime for how I feel right now." Eyes closed, one hand gripping the elliptical, and the other raised in surrender. My legs began moving faster and faster and I could no longer feel the burn in my thighs. All I could feel was release. Before I knew what had happened I was sobbing and singing and running with everything in my being. (I am not talking sweet sobs either, I was wailing.) Letting all the pent up emotion, stress, exhaustion just release from my soul. It was exactly what the song claimed. Healing oil. I could literally feel it running down my brow (sure it was sweat, but it was pretty profound at the time).

When the song ended, I climbed off and felt a surge of energy. I felt relief. What could I do next?! I threw down 100 sit ups and 100 push ups and got back on the elliptical. This time there was no sobbing. I was energetic and excited and filled with joy! My time was almost up when Dance came pumping through my earbuds. Once again, I was lost in the worship. I was rocking that elliptical, pumping my arms in the air, making a complete fool of myself (ah who cares, only the dogs could see me and although they looked pretty embarrassed, I don't think they will tell anyone). I was smiling so hard my face hurt. I couldn't help it! 

When the song ended, I stepped off the elliptical and checked the clock. I had gone well over my second set of 15 minutes and sweat was pouring from me. Every muscle in my body currently feels like jelly, but my spirit sings! I feel free. I feel energized. I feel pure and complete joy. Unspeakable joy. I am hoping this is a new journey to a new me. Maybe I will write more on this. Either way, worship isn't just singing. It takes on all forms. Today, my work out was my worship. And maybe I will see that fun, bright eyed, life-loving, beauty-seeking woman next time I pass by my mirror. Maybe I will see what God sees. And maybe I will defeat the dreaded double chin. (By my 30th birthday? Maybe.. we shall see...)