Sleepless nights. Tossing and turning and getting increasingly frustrated because I know that I have to be up in a few hours. I just can't seem to turn my mind off. It is reeling with a thousand different questions that I don't have answers for. Confusion, doubt, fear, and insecurity is all crippling my mind and heart.. and I guess my body since I can't seem to fall asleep.
We all knew that we had a decision to make. Do we get out of the Army and give this civilian life a shot? Or do we reenlist and see where it takes us? Here's the thing, my husband and I are screw ups. We can't help it. It just keeps happening. We look behind us and there is a trail of mistakes spread out as far as the eye can see. So, naturally, we do not trust us to make such a big decision. We don't want to make the wrong choice and fall flat on our faces. So, we ask God to choose for us. Not only that, but we would really appreciate it if He could come in the form of a giant burning bush and a loud booming 'Wizard of Oz' kind of voice. That would be great. Thanks, God.
It's been months and my bushes are not burning. The Wizard isn't showing up either. Nothing. Is God just waiting until the very last minute? Did He tell me and I wasn't listening? Oh, Lord... what if He never tells me what to do?!
We would probably have kept on waiting if we weren't being forced to choose. The Army has decided that they need Mike to go to Korea for a year. He would have to leave very soon. He tried all he could to get out of it, but they basically said he either goes to Korea or gets out of the Army all together. Ok, God... we could use that sign right about... now!
You all know I have been sobbing like a big ole baby on my elliptical all week. Sweat and tears getting all mixed up in a salty mess pouring down my face. My way of taking my thoughts captive and controlling my focus is to visualize Jesus while I am working out. I close my eyes and imagine Him standing far off. This feels like I am running to Him. It's been working pretty well, if I do say so myself. The other day, however, Jesus decided to throw in a little touch of burning bush.
I was running my literal butt off on the elliptical. Worshipping and crying and visualizing myself running to Jesus. Suddenly, He smiles at me and walks over to my side. He stands next to my huffing and puffing body and He just smiles. "I am not way over there. I am right here with you. No matter how fast you run or how far away you go, I am always right here. There is no escaping me, even if you wanted too. Because I love you, I will never leave you." Words began to run through my mind, although Jesus' lips never moved. Waaaaaahahhhhhh..... Naturally I sob and cry and gasp for breath because of this stupid elliptical and then I stop. Not running, I keep running even though I wish to everything my 15 minutes was up. I stop crying. I stop sobbing. I stop gasping. I even stop breathing hard. I open my eyes and am in awe at the peace that I have. I was still running way faster and harder than ever and I am not even panting. Slow, easy, peaceful breaths in and out. Cool, huh?
Well, this didn't answer my question. It didn't make my decision for me. But, it did tell me what I needed to hear. That wherever and whatever our decision is... God will go with me. He will not forsake me. If I have to leave this promise land that I have found, it doesn't mean that I will go back to the terrible person I used to be. I will never be that person again, because it isn't an option. Just like divorce isn't an option. Just like moving to the moon isn't an option. I don't have to worry about it, because it's not one of my choices.
One of the most precious women I have ever met gave me a word and it changed everything for me. She said, while God has His plan, He also has a more flexible will. Sometimes He leads you to the buffet and lets you pick your meal. Every choice will honor Him. Every choice will bring glory to His kingdom. Because not serving Him isn't an option.
So, you mean, maybe God is telling me... to choose what I want?! Oh man. I have been so determined to believe that whatever I want is probably not lining up with God wants, that I haven't allowed myself to dream. I haven't allowed myself to desire. I have been too afraid of wanting the wrong thing. But, God loves me. He wants me to have dreams and desires. He wants to help me fulfill them. He wants to walk hand in hand with me and help them all come to pass. After all, I have been transformed. I have taken on the very heart of God. As long as I don't stray from Him, I can't fail.
I had to come to a place of peace. Knowing that God will never leave me. He will never allow my family to live on the streets or go without meals. And, even if any of those things ever happened, He remains the same. No circumstance in my life will ever change who God is. It will never change what He has done for me and continues to do. So, I am not afraid anymore. I will not make a decision for my life based on fear. There is no fear in love. If God is love, then there is no room for fear. I choose to stay close to God, therefore leaving fear behind.
My husband and I have talked, fought, cried, yelled, and ultimately sat down to a civil conversation addressing the pros and cons of each option. We have come to a decision and we have great peace with it. We don't have all the answers, but we do know which general direction we are going with. And we are excited instead of fearful. Finally looking at the future with hope and anticipation. I know whatever happens, we will never do it alone.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
We believe that God wants us to choose. So, we have gone with our heart's desire and we know He will be faithful to guide every step along the way.
Monday, December 15, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Getting Lost. A lot.
It's no secret. I love to worship. I can't wait for Sunday morning to roll around so I can show up to church (late.. let's be honest) and get my worship on. It's not about the singing as much as it is about the overwhelming presence of God that I feel in that place. When you get together with dozens of other people who are all expecting God to show up... crazy things happen.
When I close my eyes, everyone else seems to fade away. I can't hear those of you behind me, or even to the side of me (so don't worry.. I am not paying attention to whether or not you are on pitch, so belt it out- who cares?!). The only sound I hear is the musicians playing the most beautiful sounds that my heart beats in sync with, and our worship team. That's it. It is me and Jennifer (or McKaylin or Tiffany, depending on who happens to be singing at the time) and Jesus and that's it.
It is so easy to get lost. To forget where you are or what time it is. To forget that you woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast and you were starving on the way to church. My eyes don't even consider glancing at the clock. Who cares what time it is? Closing my eyes, I envision little images to accompany the lyrics of the worship. I begin to feel weights lifting off my chest and shoulders. I take deep breaths and exhale whispers of thanks to the One giving me relief. This is where I usually start to choke on my tears and my cheeks start getting soaked. It just happens. Like every time.
It's a euphoric time that I wish would never end. But here's the thing. Why should it? Why should I have to wait until next Sunday to experience this?! Why do I only dance hand in hand with my Father on Sundays? Why only at the Hinesville YMCA? Why have I put God in such a tiny box?
A wise man once told my husband and I that making love was a form of worship. It was a beautiful time that our souls could intertwine and give praise to God for His glorious creation (bow chicka wah wow) (sorry, I couldn't resist..). That had never occurred to me before. If that is true, then what else could be worship? I thought it was just singing...
Worship: the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity; show reverence and adoration for (a deity); honor with religious rites.
Webster didn't even mention singing...
You all know about my workout worship. I realized two days ago that working out was a form of worship. Yesterday I climbed back on the elliptical and started running. My legs were tired and hated me with every fiber in them. But I closed my eyes, cranked up my Jesus Culture radio on Pandora and pressed on. Within moments I was no longer in my living room. I was no longer worried about the time. I wasn't tired and my legs weren't screaming at me. I was simply in the presence of my Maker and I was dancing. I was having a lot of fun actually.
When I laid The Dragon Princess down for her nap, she asked me for a song. She does this a lot lately, only she requests Let It Go specifically. I was tired of singing Let It Go (shocking, eh?) so I started singing some worship songs that I used to sing to Sophia. Hazel laid there peacefully snuggling her Piggy. I closed my eyes and kept singing. Before I knew it I was choking back tears. No, I wasn't sad. I wasn't upset in the least. I was emotional. I was thankful. I was in His presence again. It's an overwhelming feeling to be there. Trust me. Especially for cry babies like me.
This made me realize what I stated before. Everything can be worship. The thing about it, is that even the most mundane things can become glorious and beautiful if you involve God in it. Taking a shower, cooking dinner for your family, driving to work, even running your butt off (literally) on the elliptical.
Colossians 3 1-2 So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.
3-4 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
When I close my eyes, everyone else seems to fade away. I can't hear those of you behind me, or even to the side of me (so don't worry.. I am not paying attention to whether or not you are on pitch, so belt it out- who cares?!). The only sound I hear is the musicians playing the most beautiful sounds that my heart beats in sync with, and our worship team. That's it. It is me and Jennifer (or McKaylin or Tiffany, depending on who happens to be singing at the time) and Jesus and that's it.
It is so easy to get lost. To forget where you are or what time it is. To forget that you woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast and you were starving on the way to church. My eyes don't even consider glancing at the clock. Who cares what time it is? Closing my eyes, I envision little images to accompany the lyrics of the worship. I begin to feel weights lifting off my chest and shoulders. I take deep breaths and exhale whispers of thanks to the One giving me relief. This is where I usually start to choke on my tears and my cheeks start getting soaked. It just happens. Like every time.
It's a euphoric time that I wish would never end. But here's the thing. Why should it? Why should I have to wait until next Sunday to experience this?! Why do I only dance hand in hand with my Father on Sundays? Why only at the Hinesville YMCA? Why have I put God in such a tiny box?
A wise man once told my husband and I that making love was a form of worship. It was a beautiful time that our souls could intertwine and give praise to God for His glorious creation (bow chicka wah wow) (sorry, I couldn't resist..). That had never occurred to me before. If that is true, then what else could be worship? I thought it was just singing...
Worship: the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity; show reverence and adoration for (a deity); honor with religious rites.
Webster didn't even mention singing...
You all know about my workout worship. I realized two days ago that working out was a form of worship. Yesterday I climbed back on the elliptical and started running. My legs were tired and hated me with every fiber in them. But I closed my eyes, cranked up my Jesus Culture radio on Pandora and pressed on. Within moments I was no longer in my living room. I was no longer worried about the time. I wasn't tired and my legs weren't screaming at me. I was simply in the presence of my Maker and I was dancing. I was having a lot of fun actually.
When I laid The Dragon Princess down for her nap, she asked me for a song. She does this a lot lately, only she requests Let It Go specifically. I was tired of singing Let It Go (shocking, eh?) so I started singing some worship songs that I used to sing to Sophia. Hazel laid there peacefully snuggling her Piggy. I closed my eyes and kept singing. Before I knew it I was choking back tears. No, I wasn't sad. I wasn't upset in the least. I was emotional. I was thankful. I was in His presence again. It's an overwhelming feeling to be there. Trust me. Especially for cry babies like me.
This made me realize what I stated before. Everything can be worship. The thing about it, is that even the most mundane things can become glorious and beautiful if you involve God in it. Taking a shower, cooking dinner for your family, driving to work, even running your butt off (literally) on the elliptical.
Colossians 3 1-2 So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.
3-4 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Sarah takes on DC (Double Chin)
I hate working out. I find very good reasons every day to avoid doing it. I have probably worked out a total of 5 times in my entire life. I'm almost 30 folks. That's pitiful. The reality is that I have never needed to. I mean sure, I never had a rock hard sexy toned body like all the celebrities and super models... but hey, I was never gonna be famous anyway. I have always been average for my weight and I was happy with it. Even after 4 kids I was able to lose weight by simply thinking about it. And eating one less cookie after dinner. But, I never really dieted or worked out and was still able to lose 30-45 pounds without trying.
Then I had my Hazel. Ok, in reality, I had major gall bladder issues and I only gained a total of 8 pounds in the pregnancy. She was almost 8 pounds at birth. You do the math.. I lost a lot of fat during that gall bladder hell. After Hazel, I looked better than I had in years. I was fabulous. Then my thyroid decided to kick me down a few notches. I had it removed (finding out only afterward that it had cancer growing in it) and started slowly but surely gaining weight. Great.
I cut out a cookie here and there and it didn't help. What?! You mean I am going to have to actually... TRY?!?! Ugh. So I tried watching what I ate. Kind of. I mean if you consider getting less mayo on my sub or not super sizing my combo.. then yeah. I watched it. It didn't help. I even worked out a couple of times. With a few months rest in between. It hurts the next day, ya know?
I thought there might be something wrong with me. I went to the doctor, as I am required to do every 3months, and cried to her about how I kept gaining. I have gained almost 50 pounds since having my thyroid removed. After blood testing, and a lot of tweaking of my medication, it turns out it probably isn't a medical thing. Is it impossible for me to lose weight now that I don't have a thyroid?! What have I done?!
My husband and I did a fast several months back. We cut out fried, greasy, and sweet foods. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. No sweet tea. No chocolate. You can imagine how pleasant and patient I was. After the first week I was a peach. Then I stepped on the scale. I had lost 7 pounds. Hmm.
I lost 30 pounds in a matter of weeks after a bad breakup many years ago. I had not cut any food out. I guess I was eating out less, but the reality was that I was going out. A lot. I had been going out to the pub with my sister every weekend to go dancing. We weren't even necessarily getting drunk (actually, we probably were). But we would dance. We would dance until we were covered in our own sweat, and probably each others too. We didn't feel the exhaustion in our muscles until we went home.
I needed something like that. Only, there is no way I am going to hang at the pub every weekend. So, I tried Zumba. Well, actually, my lovely husband bought it for me years ago and I took it out of the package all of 3 times. I think I have actually done it twice now. It is ok, but its kind of hard to keep up and I couldn't imagine even attempting to do it with other people. Especially if they all look like the girls on the video. Geez.
My Hazel was awake until 1am last night and I couldn't fall asleep until I knew she had. Needless to say, today was a rough start. I was exhausted all morning and couldn't wait until nap time. I was definitely going to snuggle up in my warm cozy bed for a few hours. Then I passed a mirror.
Here's the thing, I have the reverse of an eating disorder. I have heard that people who suffer from anorexia or bulimia don't see themselves how we see them when they look in a mirror. They see someone much bigger and chunkier than they actually are. When I look in a mirror, however, I see someone who aint half bad. Go get 'em girl ;)
But today, I wasn't happy with the person looking back at me. That woman was tired. Exhausted. Bags under her eyes and a rapidly growing double chin. When did I get to this point? My eyes have always been eyes that saw beauty in everything. Everyone. Even myself. Even at my worst times in life. It's how I have kept going through all the junk. Seeing the bright side and the beauty in the midst of the storms. But today... I saw a cranky, tired, ragged looking sad woman with dead eyes. Yuck.
So, I got on my sports bra. (I despise this thing. It literally crushes my boobs and feels like I am getting a mammogram. But, it's pretty dandy to have around when you get to jumping and running, ya know?) I tied my disheveled hair into a bun and grabbed my earbuds. I climbed onto the elliptical and started off slow. I decided I didn't want to push myself too much and wind up quitting. I checked the clock to make sure I don't go a minute over 15 minutes. Slowly at first and building some speed. Then a song came on and began serenading me through my earbuds.
"I can feel your healing oil running down my brow. I wouldn't trade another lifetime for how I feel right now." Eyes closed, one hand gripping the elliptical, and the other raised in surrender. My legs began moving faster and faster and I could no longer feel the burn in my thighs. All I could feel was release. Before I knew what had happened I was sobbing and singing and running with everything in my being. (I am not talking sweet sobs either, I was wailing.) Letting all the pent up emotion, stress, exhaustion just release from my soul. It was exactly what the song claimed. Healing oil. I could literally feel it running down my brow (sure it was sweat, but it was pretty profound at the time).
When the song ended, I climbed off and felt a surge of energy. I felt relief. What could I do next?! I threw down 100 sit ups and 100 push ups and got back on the elliptical. This time there was no sobbing. I was energetic and excited and filled with joy! My time was almost up when Dance came pumping through my earbuds. Once again, I was lost in the worship. I was rocking that elliptical, pumping my arms in the air, making a complete fool of myself (ah who cares, only the dogs could see me and although they looked pretty embarrassed, I don't think they will tell anyone). I was smiling so hard my face hurt. I couldn't help it!
When the song ended, I stepped off the elliptical and checked the clock. I had gone well over my second set of 15 minutes and sweat was pouring from me. Every muscle in my body currently feels like jelly, but my spirit sings! I feel free. I feel energized. I feel pure and complete joy. Unspeakable joy. I am hoping this is a new journey to a new me. Maybe I will write more on this. Either way, worship isn't just singing. It takes on all forms. Today, my work out was my worship. And maybe I will see that fun, bright eyed, life-loving, beauty-seeking woman next time I pass by my mirror. Maybe I will see what God sees. And maybe I will defeat the dreaded double chin. (By my 30th birthday? Maybe.. we shall see...)
Then I had my Hazel. Ok, in reality, I had major gall bladder issues and I only gained a total of 8 pounds in the pregnancy. She was almost 8 pounds at birth. You do the math.. I lost a lot of fat during that gall bladder hell. After Hazel, I looked better than I had in years. I was fabulous. Then my thyroid decided to kick me down a few notches. I had it removed (finding out only afterward that it had cancer growing in it) and started slowly but surely gaining weight. Great.
I cut out a cookie here and there and it didn't help. What?! You mean I am going to have to actually... TRY?!?! Ugh. So I tried watching what I ate. Kind of. I mean if you consider getting less mayo on my sub or not super sizing my combo.. then yeah. I watched it. It didn't help. I even worked out a couple of times. With a few months rest in between. It hurts the next day, ya know?
I thought there might be something wrong with me. I went to the doctor, as I am required to do every 3months, and cried to her about how I kept gaining. I have gained almost 50 pounds since having my thyroid removed. After blood testing, and a lot of tweaking of my medication, it turns out it probably isn't a medical thing. Is it impossible for me to lose weight now that I don't have a thyroid?! What have I done?!
My husband and I did a fast several months back. We cut out fried, greasy, and sweet foods. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. No sweet tea. No chocolate. You can imagine how pleasant and patient I was. After the first week I was a peach. Then I stepped on the scale. I had lost 7 pounds. Hmm.
I lost 30 pounds in a matter of weeks after a bad breakup many years ago. I had not cut any food out. I guess I was eating out less, but the reality was that I was going out. A lot. I had been going out to the pub with my sister every weekend to go dancing. We weren't even necessarily getting drunk (actually, we probably were). But we would dance. We would dance until we were covered in our own sweat, and probably each others too. We didn't feel the exhaustion in our muscles until we went home.
I needed something like that. Only, there is no way I am going to hang at the pub every weekend. So, I tried Zumba. Well, actually, my lovely husband bought it for me years ago and I took it out of the package all of 3 times. I think I have actually done it twice now. It is ok, but its kind of hard to keep up and I couldn't imagine even attempting to do it with other people. Especially if they all look like the girls on the video. Geez.
My Hazel was awake until 1am last night and I couldn't fall asleep until I knew she had. Needless to say, today was a rough start. I was exhausted all morning and couldn't wait until nap time. I was definitely going to snuggle up in my warm cozy bed for a few hours. Then I passed a mirror.
Here's the thing, I have the reverse of an eating disorder. I have heard that people who suffer from anorexia or bulimia don't see themselves how we see them when they look in a mirror. They see someone much bigger and chunkier than they actually are. When I look in a mirror, however, I see someone who aint half bad. Go get 'em girl ;) But today, I wasn't happy with the person looking back at me. That woman was tired. Exhausted. Bags under her eyes and a rapidly growing double chin. When did I get to this point? My eyes have always been eyes that saw beauty in everything. Everyone. Even myself. Even at my worst times in life. It's how I have kept going through all the junk. Seeing the bright side and the beauty in the midst of the storms. But today... I saw a cranky, tired, ragged looking sad woman with dead eyes. Yuck.
So, I got on my sports bra. (I despise this thing. It literally crushes my boobs and feels like I am getting a mammogram. But, it's pretty dandy to have around when you get to jumping and running, ya know?) I tied my disheveled hair into a bun and grabbed my earbuds. I climbed onto the elliptical and started off slow. I decided I didn't want to push myself too much and wind up quitting. I checked the clock to make sure I don't go a minute over 15 minutes. Slowly at first and building some speed. Then a song came on and began serenading me through my earbuds.
"I can feel your healing oil running down my brow. I wouldn't trade another lifetime for how I feel right now." Eyes closed, one hand gripping the elliptical, and the other raised in surrender. My legs began moving faster and faster and I could no longer feel the burn in my thighs. All I could feel was release. Before I knew what had happened I was sobbing and singing and running with everything in my being. (I am not talking sweet sobs either, I was wailing.) Letting all the pent up emotion, stress, exhaustion just release from my soul. It was exactly what the song claimed. Healing oil. I could literally feel it running down my brow (sure it was sweat, but it was pretty profound at the time).
When the song ended, I climbed off and felt a surge of energy. I felt relief. What could I do next?! I threw down 100 sit ups and 100 push ups and got back on the elliptical. This time there was no sobbing. I was energetic and excited and filled with joy! My time was almost up when Dance came pumping through my earbuds. Once again, I was lost in the worship. I was rocking that elliptical, pumping my arms in the air, making a complete fool of myself (ah who cares, only the dogs could see me and although they looked pretty embarrassed, I don't think they will tell anyone). I was smiling so hard my face hurt. I couldn't help it!
When the song ended, I stepped off the elliptical and checked the clock. I had gone well over my second set of 15 minutes and sweat was pouring from me. Every muscle in my body currently feels like jelly, but my spirit sings! I feel free. I feel energized. I feel pure and complete joy. Unspeakable joy. I am hoping this is a new journey to a new me. Maybe I will write more on this. Either way, worship isn't just singing. It takes on all forms. Today, my work out was my worship. And maybe I will see that fun, bright eyed, life-loving, beauty-seeking woman next time I pass by my mirror. Maybe I will see what God sees. And maybe I will defeat the dreaded double chin. (By my 30th birthday? Maybe.. we shall see...)
Friday, December 5, 2014
... And Counting...
As you already know, my husband and I have 5 beautiful girls. The initial reaction we get from people when they learn this is shock. Surprise. Amazement. My favorite one is pity. That's right. Some people feel bad for us! I take a look around at some of the kids I see when we are out and about and I get it. If my girls were out of control, disrespectful, terrifying little beasts, then yes. I would appreciate all the pity I could get. And wine. Lots of wine.
But, fortunately, I am not an alcoholic. In fact, I rarely drink at all. My girls don't "drive me to drink". They make me laugh. They show me the world through different eyes. They inspire me. I want to enjoy the littlest of things that I often take for granted, and my girls remind me to do so.
Ever since my husband and I started our fabulous journey together, we have discussed taking in even more kids one day. Foster kids. Kids who have been taken from their homes because of one reason or another. Hurting kids who are confused, scared, sad, and unfortunately sometimes abused or neglected. It kills me to know that these kids may not have a loving and safe place to land during this time. This is where we will step in.
I know what you're thinking. More kids?! Seriously?! That's right, folks. For some reason, God chose us crazy people to help his lost, abandoned, neglected, and hurting babies. What about your kids?! Well, our girls are thrilled with the idea! They love the idea of having more sisters and maybe even a few brothers. Lila has already begun planning where a bunk bed will go so she can share her room. (Her idea, not ours.) Luciana is of course thrilled to help out others, as long as they aren't older than her. Grace has the same request. Mike and I definitely agree. We want our girls to be positive role models for these kids and influence them in a loving-big-sister kind of way.
I could go over all the details of what our family has agreed on. Boy or girl? Sibling group? Special needs? It's a lot of details that really don't matter to you, so I won't bore you. They are things that our family has discussed because we need to do what's best for everyone.
What we know is this. There are a lot of jacked up kids out there with nobody to love them. A wise and wonderful woman once told me, "Love your kids more than the world will." The world is cruel, cold, selfish, neglectful. It will only offer judgment, condemnation, ridicule, expectations, and competition. I choose to love my kids more than the world could ever dream. But God gave me a ridiculously big heart with enough love for other people's kids too. So, why not show them the love, grace, mercy, acceptance, kindness, and compassion that they may have never known?
We have begun our classes that are required to become foster parents. We are going to go through all the motions and take this one step at a time. Each child placed with us will be exactly where he or she is meant to be during this time and we won't screw it up. We are grateful to even be offered the opportunity. Sure, there will be heartache and pain at times, but that is all a part of life. If you sprain your ankle during the best dance of your life... well you still had the best dance of your life, eh?
**I dare you to watch this and not feel something. Honestly, it was this video that inspired me not to wait. To start the process now. If you have questions about becoming a foster parent, ask me! If you are interested, you can also contact your local Department of Family and Child Services office. They can help you too :)
But, fortunately, I am not an alcoholic. In fact, I rarely drink at all. My girls don't "drive me to drink". They make me laugh. They show me the world through different eyes. They inspire me. I want to enjoy the littlest of things that I often take for granted, and my girls remind me to do so.
Ever since my husband and I started our fabulous journey together, we have discussed taking in even more kids one day. Foster kids. Kids who have been taken from their homes because of one reason or another. Hurting kids who are confused, scared, sad, and unfortunately sometimes abused or neglected. It kills me to know that these kids may not have a loving and safe place to land during this time. This is where we will step in.
I know what you're thinking. More kids?! Seriously?! That's right, folks. For some reason, God chose us crazy people to help his lost, abandoned, neglected, and hurting babies. What about your kids?! Well, our girls are thrilled with the idea! They love the idea of having more sisters and maybe even a few brothers. Lila has already begun planning where a bunk bed will go so she can share her room. (Her idea, not ours.) Luciana is of course thrilled to help out others, as long as they aren't older than her. Grace has the same request. Mike and I definitely agree. We want our girls to be positive role models for these kids and influence them in a loving-big-sister kind of way. I could go over all the details of what our family has agreed on. Boy or girl? Sibling group? Special needs? It's a lot of details that really don't matter to you, so I won't bore you. They are things that our family has discussed because we need to do what's best for everyone.
What we know is this. There are a lot of jacked up kids out there with nobody to love them. A wise and wonderful woman once told me, "Love your kids more than the world will." The world is cruel, cold, selfish, neglectful. It will only offer judgment, condemnation, ridicule, expectations, and competition. I choose to love my kids more than the world could ever dream. But God gave me a ridiculously big heart with enough love for other people's kids too. So, why not show them the love, grace, mercy, acceptance, kindness, and compassion that they may have never known?
**I dare you to watch this and not feel something. Honestly, it was this video that inspired me not to wait. To start the process now. If you have questions about becoming a foster parent, ask me! If you are interested, you can also contact your local Department of Family and Child Services office. They can help you too :)
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