To my dear, beloved daughters... It's no secret. Dad and I are new to this 'teenager' thing. Yeah, we were once in your shoes, but raising you is a totally different story. You are growing- FAST. You have quickly moved from that chubby cheek cuteness, into dashing beauty. You know, the kind that makes boys notice you when you walk by. (This is why dad has gone bald and I am going slightly crazy.) Naturally this is the scariest thing in our world right now. They notice you girls and, unfortunately, you notice them too. As far as dating, dad and I needed to set up some rules. These rules have come up a lot lately, so I figured I would jot them down here so as to reiterate how unwavering we are on the subject.
Rule #1: You must have a driver's license. Your date must have one as well. If your parents have to drive you to meet your 'boyfriend' to go on a 'date', then it is in fact NOT a date, but a playdate. Yeah... like toddlers have.
Rule #2: You must wait until the summer before your senior year in high school. Your future is the most important thing. It is your whole life- duh. So, we don't want you to jeopardize that future by not putting all of your focus and attention into your education. Without your education, your options are so completely limited. We want you to reach for the stars and have everything you have ever dreamed of. Have a solid educational foundation before you open that door. (Not to mention that you still need this time to grow emotionally. You are not ready for the drama, heartache, and overall messiness that having a boyfriend carries with it.)
Rule #3: He must meet your dad and I before your first date. Old fashioned? Maybe. Whatever you call it, it's a must. I want to know who it is you are going out with. I want to know his character and his intentions. If he isn't willing and courageous enough to follow this rule, then I think we both know the kind of boy he is.
Rule #4: Don't sell yourself short. Dating does NOT equal relationship. Don't be the girl who checks yes on a note asking you to be his girlfriend. Because he likes you, and maybe you like him back... doesn't mean you need to jump into an exclusive relationship. Date. That's the whole point, right? Let him take you out a few times. See if you still like him when you get to know more about the real him. Then make your decision on whether or not to commit.
Rule #5: He must treat you with the honor and respect you deserve. He shows up (after meeting dad and I on a previous occasion) to our front door with flowers in hand. He is dressed handsomely and ready to pick you up to take you out to a nice dinner... Somewhere with tablecloths... Doesn't that sound a lot better than you sneaking out to the local McDonalds where you will probably have to pay for his cheeseburger? I mean... c'mon...
Rule #6: He should be a Christian. Developing feelings for someone who doesn't share the same morals, values, and spiritual beliefs as you is hard. Trust me. I have been there. You want a boy to understand who you are and to respect why you do what you do and how you choose to live. If he isn't a Christian, he won't. Chances are, if he really is a Christian, he will agree with every single one of these rules and he will respect them. That, in turn, will make waiting, dating, and all this messy stuff- a little less messy. It might even make it easy. Plus- if your heart is hidden in God, how can you share it with someone who doesn't love Him?
Here's the deal. Dad and I love you girls so much and we only want the absolute very best for you. We want Jesus to be your first love, so we are giving you time to fall in love with Him all on your own. We can only teach, guide, and direct you so far.. it's up to you to continue your relationship with Him. If you don't truly know the love of God, then how will you recognize real love when you find it?
God says you are these things.. the way a boy treats you should reflect these:
*You are precious and honored in My sight.
*You are loved.
*You are My masterpiece.
*You were created for My glory.
*You are wise, righteous, sanctified, and redeemed.
*Your body is My temple where My Holy Spirit lives.
*You are a princess. An heir to My throne alongside Christ.
*You are chosen, holy, and blameless.
*You have bold and confident access to Me.
If he makes you feel less than any of these things, then that boy isn't the right one.
I'm in a bubble. A beautifully iridescent and safe bubble. I don't want this feeling to go away. I don't want to wake up to the reality of this crazy and chaotic world. I want to lay here and bask in the wonders of this bubble forever....
My husband went on a 3 day weekend with God. It was a spiritual retreat with no clocks, no phones, no distractions. Only God. He went away on Thursday night, not really knowing what to expect. He was optimistic and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was time. He was supposed to have gone a few months ago, but every door closed and every possible complication arose- keeping him from going. This time, there was not one issue. Everything pointed to him going. God facilitated it without a hitch.
The entire weekend I would stop at random moments to pray for Mike. I had no expectations for this weekend. I would start to imagine how he would act or what he would say when he got home, and I would quickly stop myself. I didn't want to ruin what God had planned by throwing in plans of my own. (Plus, honestly, a secret part of me was worried he would keep his heart locked in a steel cage and come home exactly as he had left.)
So imagine my delight when I see my gorgeous husband walk up to the house with a huge smile on his handsome face. He was different. He didn't even have to speak. I could see it. I could feel it. When he looked at me, I swear I could see a twinkle in his eyes. When he spoke, he spoke with passion, with emotion. He was steady and sure of every word. His voice was kind, gentle, loving. He exuded the Spirit in ways I have never before experienced. The best way for me to explain or put this all into words, is to say that my husband is alive!
Yes, of course he had a pulse when he left here on Thursday, but I assure you, he was a dead man walking around. He was unsure of himself and of his place in this world, and in God's plan. But after being completely immersed in the Father for 3 days, my husband has pure joy. It is coming out of every pore and glowing all around him.
Laying with him last night, I just quietly listened to his soft deep breaths of his peaceful slumber. I could feel God's presence all around us. I haven't felt such peace in a very long time, if ever. It was comfort, peace, joy, it was love. I could have fallen to sleep with such ease, but instead I laid there basking in His presence, not wanting it to end. Enjoying my bubble.
Being with him I feel giddy. I feel a little nervous, to be honest. Like we are starting this relationship fresh. Brand new. He is a new man and we are going to re-start this journey in a whole new light. God is doing something huge in my husband and I know when I go on the women's retreat in a couple weeks, He is going to blow me away.
I am so grateful for every step we have taken. I am so grateful for God bringing us to Georgia and this small, but incredible community. I am grateful for Restoration Church and every single soul that I have met through it. I am grateful for our fearless leaders, Alan and Jennifer Darsey, who God has used to completely shake our world and change our hearts/minds/lives. I am grateful for Tres Dias and the incredible work they are doing for the Kingdom of God. I could go on and on, and I will throughout the day, continue to stop and thank Him- naturally crying like a baby. Thank you Jesus, for the freedom you have given to my love. Thank you for giving me a brand new husband.
I was 16 years old, a junior in high school. I had skipped school (yet again) because I had the worst morning sickness ever. Of course I told my mom I think it must be a really nasty flu... My mom called the house looking for my sister, Nikki. She was surprised to hear my voice answer the phone, but was too upset to be mad.
She told me to hurry and run down to Nikki's room and wake her. I didn't want to do this for 2 very good reasons. 1- Nikki's room was in the dark and creepy basement. It smelled musty and had a LOT of steps. I was sick and lazy.. ugh. 2- Nikki was not the most fun person to wake up. She was like a dragon and who in their right mind wants to wake a sleeping dragon?!?
So I gathered myself, because as terrible of a teenager as I was- I was still pretty scared of my mom. I went down to the creepy dungeon and I began to wake the dragon. (Don't get me wrong, my sister is much better now at controlling her temper, even when she is tired- but she wasn't so good at it at 10am when she was 19 years old...) When she peered at me through one half-opened eye and started gathering her strength to begin the process of killing me, I quickly handed her the phone. Whew... close one.
After a second or two she seemed confused. She seemed trying to process whatever it was my mom was saying. She turned on her television and didn't have to search for a channel. The same thing was playing on every single one. I sat next to my sister, not truly knowing what I was watching. It was live news coverage of 2 buildings. One was burning and I was trying to put the pieces together to understand why.
Ok, I will admit that I was not then, nor am I now, very interested in current events. I didn't (at the time) know what the Twin Towers were. I didn't know where they were or their significance to our nation. I had no idea about any of it. I could've told you the words to the latest Top Ten songs on the radio, or what happened in the most recently released movie. But, outside of that- and myself- I didn't know much and I didn't really care to.
By the look on my sister's face, I could tell this was a horrible occurrence. I could see my sister getting more upset by the minute, as this reality sunk into her semi-conscious brain. As we watched, a large airplane flew directly into the other building. It was like watching a movie. This couldn't be real?! Who would do such a thing?! There were people jumping out of the buildings. Not falling.. jumping. I couldn't imagine what that must have been like. To be there and experience such panic. Such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. To jump to my death in order to save myself from being burned alive.
As ignorant as I was to the events of September 11, 2001, I am very well aware now. I have seen the dramatic turn our country has taken since that day. We went from comfortable, to shocked, to grieving, to vengeful, to bored. I think it important that we never forget that day. That we reminisce on the events and the many lives lost. 2,996 to be exact. That's how many people died on that day. That's how many lives were stolen.
God calls us to forgive. No matter what and no matter who.
Matthew 5:44
But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
We must forgive, but we must also be wise enough to prepare and protect ourselves. Protect our country from something like this ever happening again. Those 2,996 lives should not have been lost in vain. As of December 2012, there was about 6,650 American soldiers who died in war resulting from that day. Their deaths should not be in vain either.
So, let's not be vengeful, but wise instead. Let's support our military as they fight to protect the innocent. Let's actually pay attention to who we vote to lead us. Let's forgive those who have wronged us, and choose not to be prejudice against anyone who may have originated from the same place our wrongdoers have. Most importantly, let's not allow our Father to get pushed aside anymore. Let's not ignore the One who never ignores us. Let's hold tight to our faith and trust that He will see us through.
***And if you are wondering where I stand on war as a Christian, this about sums it up.
My beautiful, bubbly, soft-hearted daughter, Luciana, has never had trouble making friends. Where ever she goes, she usually winds up leaving with a new friend or two. Moving around to different states, cities, school districts hasn't seemed like much of an issue for her, because she always makes friends so fast and without much effort.
But, my sweet girl is now in 7th grade. Everything is different. All the kids originally wanted to know her. All the boys wanted her to be theirs. All the girls wanted her to join their "clique". Yet my Luciana stands here today with maybe two friends from school. This is due to my daughter being picky. And, honestly, I thank God that she is. She isn't allowed to "date" (really, what is dating in 7th grade anyway?!) until she is a senior in high school. While she didn't really understand our rule at first, she has witnessed girls at school being treated like garbage and used like objects. She now trusts that we kinda know what we are talking about. That leaves all those boys out. She doesn't feel right with every other word coming out of her mouth being a cuss word and talking trash about her parents. She doesn't want to disrespect adults and bully other kids. This leaves the vast majority of the girls out too.
My girl came home in 6th grade telling me horror stories of the other kids on her bus and in her school. There were 11 year old girls singing, "I put a (insert disgusting word to describe male genitalia here) in my mouth! I put a **** in my mouth!". The boys and girls on the bus were saying terrible things about their parents and every other word was some of the worst cuss words you can imagine. Some girls were explaining to my daughter that you can in fact get pregnant from oral sex (ok, I kinda like that these girls think this way- maybe it will stop them from performing such things). These are the things my daughter is surrounded by on a daily basis.
This filth is exactly why my daughter has chosen to be incredibly picky with her friends; who she allows into her world and who she doesn't. She is teased now for being a 'churchy girl' and 'bet you have to ask your mom' kind of junk. But she chooses to stand her ground. She chooses to be bigger and not compromise her values and beliefs.
All that I have described above.... that is precisely why we, as parents, have to be involved in our kids social lives. We have to know who our kids' friends are. We need to be actively involved. We cannot just sit back and let them figure it out for themselves. It is way too hard. Way too much pressure to be a certain way. And it is also a fabulous reason to have our kids involved in a good church with other kids who share their same values.
It gives me and Luci a great sense of relief for her to have finally found someone from church who is her age and who shares her same passion for the Lord. She has finally found someone to be silly with and act like a kid. No pressure to try and act like an adult or be 'cool'. They can just be themselves and it is so wonderful to watch. I praise Him for answering our prayers and sending her someone her age to lean on during this incredibly tough season.
