It's happening. In 2 days. My baby girl is going out into this big world without me to hold her hand and guide her. Well, ok... It's not my baby girl. It's actually my oldest daughter, Luciana. She isn't going out into the big bad world all alone, either. She is going with a group of other children her age, and adult leaders who are all on fire for Christ. She is, realistically, going on the safest of all the missions. Luci will be embarking on a journey that will take her by bus from Florida to Indiana, where she will spread the gospel of Jesus through drama, dance, puppet shows, etc. She will be telling people about Jesus.
Now, you notice that I didn't say she would be on the easiest trip. I said the safest. Let's be honest with each other... telling people- especially strangers- about Jesus is anything but easy. A friend told me the other day that her first impression of me was that I was "weird". That's it... Weird. So I pressed, trying to figure out what that meant. I have been told that people thought I was snotty, stuck up, or just simply a bit#% (female dog.. you catch my drift..) She explained that I was "weird" because I always talked about Jesus. Jesus this and Jesus that. It was all I had to talk about... But, she said it was not creepy, or pushy. It was welcoming because I had a smile on my face.
I never pushed my God on her. I never tried to beat her over the head with my Bible. And I most certainly, never threatened her with eternal damnation if she didn't get on this Jesus Train. I simply fell in love with this amazing God-man, and couldn't stop telling everyone about Him. I spoke of Him in truth and love. Unfortunately, many people try to shove God down others' throats and it isn't working. I assure you, those who you think you are saving, are only afraid that the alternative is burning in an eternal hell-fire. That isn't a real relationship with God. That isn't love. That is fear, and my God isn't a god of fear.
So, my daughter will be in a place with Americans who have their walls up and their blinders on. She will be trying to share Jesus in truth and love. She won't shove the Word down anyone's throat, and she most certainly won't threaten anyone. She must be bold. She must be courageous. She must learn to step out of her comfort zone and be prepared to be rejected. She must guard her heart and mind so as not to be effected by anyone who might come at her with rejection or debate. She is a 12 year old girl who is just beginning her journey with Jesus. She can't do this alone. She needs the Spirit to fill her and provide her with the knowledge, wisdom, strength, and courage it will take to accomplish her tasks. I ask that you be in prayer with me over the next 5 weeks. Pray for Luciana to have all these necessary gifts. Pray for her comfort when she starts to miss home. Pray for her strength to endure the hardships and sacrifices she is about to face. I thank you for your love, support, and prayers.
Oh yes, folks... I said it.. Sex. It's a big scary word for us parents who are trying to instill faith-filled Christian morals and values into our children. But it doesn't have to be. The reality is, that no matter how much we try to protect our kids, they are going to be exposed to sex, in all it's forms, at one time or another. And it will happen in the most unlikely of places, with even the most unlikely of children. Your sons and your daughters. Honor roll students and barely passing students. 15 year olds and 5 year olds. In this technology age we live in, there is no protecting them. That is why we must arm them. They must be ready to defend their bodies, their minds, and their hearts.
We are a Christian family. We believe every single word in the Bible to be true. With that being said, we believe that our 5 daughters are honored and precious in His sight. They are blood bought royalty and should be treated as such. Their bodies are to be respected. Their hearts are to be honored. One day they will find the man that God has set aside for them, and they will give their hearts and bodies to him. They will trust him, they will honor him, and they will be vulnerable with him, knowing he will treasure and respect every inch of them. We have been teaching our girls to respect themselves, and their future boyfriends, by saving themselves for marriage. Can you imagine being with someone, getting to know everything about them. Learning their dreams, hopes, hearts, what makes them tick... and loving them so much that you are willing to commit to them for the rest of your life- without knowing how they are in bed? That is what we want for our daughters. For a man to love them so completely, that sex is the last and final thing they get to know about them, and only after promising forever to each other. Beautiful, isn't it?
Well here's the problem. We teach our kids that sex before marriage is bad. We even teach them why. We explain all that I just said above and leave it at that.... But that isn't enough. My kids- and your kids... they are human. They have hormones and feelings and urges, just like everyone else does. So when your honor roll student starts getting "weird feelings", she might think they are evil. They are sinful and wrong. She might wish they would stop and pray for God to cleanse her and forgive her. She might get curious about why people have sex, when the explanation for waiting is so beautiful.. so she might ask the internet. She might go to YouTube and type in sex.. she might be exposed to pornography in her search for these answers. The pornography might make her feel shameful, but oddly aroused. She might harbor these feelings of shame about what she just witnessed. She might decide to not talk to you (even though you have a perfectly open- even about sex- relationship) because she is afraid you will be ashamed of her too. What then?
Let's take a moment to pause on this pornography topic. Pornography is dangerous and it is a slippery slope. At first, it makes you feel wrong and shameful, but aroused. So you go back a second time. This time the bad feelings are less, and the arousal is more. The third time... well you see where I am going with this. It starts a lot younger than you think. Your parental controls on your computer are not stopping it. The only one who can stop it is you. The biggest problem with porn is that it is a lie. All of it. It makes young girls believe that is how they are to dress, speak, and behave with men. They believe that is how they should act sexually with men. It makes young boys believe that is how girls should look, act, and speak also. They also believe that is how girls will be sexually. When those young people wind up in a sexual situation of their own, their expectations are skewed. Their disappointments will be great. Those girls will wind up crying in a corner and hating themselves, while those poor boys walk away feeling like a monster. Porn has a lifetime effect and is as addictive as meth. Do not sit idly by while your children fall into this pit of despair. If you knew your kid tried heroin... would you still allow him to hang around the drug dealer? So, if you know your kid has access to porn, why do you allow them to sit on the computer, ipod, or smartphone by themselves for hours?
These "urges" and "weird feelings" are not evil. They are not sinful. They are natural. God created us with these feelings. God created sex! He wants us to have a pleasurable and sexually intimate relationship with our spouse. Don't believe me? Check out Song of Solomon... It explains this:
God created the institution of marriage, and designed sex to be the ultimate intimacy-creator.. From this book we can draw the following observations:
romance is referred to as intoxicating, like wine… we are encouraged to make ourselves drunk with love!
Song of Solomon contains detailed descriptions of sexual playfulness between a young husband and wife. Bible scholars would agree that there are direct references to foreplay and sex, and that sexuality is expressed without shame, is honourable, and a significant part of any marriage!
the view that sex is “bad” or should not be spoken about is certainly not supported from the Bible!
You see? We are inadvertently telling our kids that they are sinful and shameful by not explaining these natural feelings to them. Some of us may actually be telling our kids that sex is bad and wrong and evil. Making the issues way worse for their kids... So here's the deal. Sex is not wrong. Sex is a beautiful and wonderful blessing that God created so we can have a special and intimate relationship with the one we chose to spend forever with. It's a coming together of two souls into one. As long as we treat it with respect and honor it, there is nothing wrong with it.
Explain to your kids that the feelings are not wrong. They are natural. It is what you do with it that can make or break you. Every situation in our lives has a crossroads. God or the world. When someone makes you angry and you want to lash out and say something hateful, you have to choose- say it, or turn the other cheek? God or the world. When your spouse betrays you and repents, you have to choose- walk away or forgiveness? God or the world. When you have sexual feelings when you are with a boy, you have to choose- give in and give yourself away or get up and walk away from the situation? God or the world. It's all a choice. They have to know that the choice is theirs. They have to know their ways out. They need your love and support, because they can't do this alone. Be their support. Be their confidant.
With our youth, we need to be sure that we talk to them about sex. Talk to them about their urges or feelings. Answer their questions without judgment or condemnation. Allow them to feel safe opening up to us. And don't wait for them to come to you. Sex is an embarrassing topic for most people. They might not ever come to you. They will, however, go to their friends at school, magazines, websites, etc. They will find answers to their questions. But if you want them to find the right answers. The answers that God has for them, laid out in scripture.. then you need to take responsibility and you need to start that conversation before it's too late.
Weird. That is what my animated daughter, Lila, will tell you she prefers to be called. She doesn't like "normal" and she never has. She has always lived on the outside of the box, marching to the beat of her own drum. As a baby, she rarely cried. She had this huge open-mouth smile that made her appear as if she was laughing, but no sound came. It was simply a ginormous smile that inspired her dad to call her his little bass... By the time she could walk, she would play quietly by herself until she became tired. Then she would toddle herself into her bedroom, lay herself down, and take a nap. If she couldn't climb in her bed, she would sleep on the floor. At 2 years old, she knew every word to 'Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin' by Journey. She has always hated seeing me cry, and even as an infant, she would make silly faces or laugh real loud to get me to smile.
By the time school came along, there was no holding her back. This kid is smart. And, I don't mean- oh I'm her mommy, so I think she is brilliant in all she does- kind of smart. I mean her IQ is probably through the roof. School has always been so incredibly easy for her. Never struggling in any subject. Never bringing homework home, never studying, never getting less than an A. She faithfully makes the principals list (sounds bad, but it's actually a really big honor. It is above A honor roll, I guess..) and shrugs when she tells me about it. She doesn't think it's a big deal because it is so EASY! While showing me her massive amount of awards and medals from this year, she came across her art award, "And of course I got an award for art. We all knew I would. I mean, I am a really good artist." I have been teaching Lila the art of being humble. It is hard for her, because she is so smart and talented, but I think she will figure it out.
Lila's heart is as big and as squishy as they come. She will pick out the saddest face in a crowd and become their best friend. For life. She loves like Jesus. Big. Huge. Holding nothing back. Once you are in Lila's heart- you are hers. Forever. She will never judge you for what you have done and she will never condemn you for what you screw up in the future. Her heart is forgiving and she forgets quicker than most. While she often wants to control the situation, she will step aside and let you go first on the big slide. Even though my Lila is smack dab in the middle of these 5 girls, she absolutely wouldn't have it any other way. Being the oldest would mean more responsibility, which she tries to shirk whenever possible. Being the youngest would mean not having 2 younger sisters to play with, teach, boss around (lovingly, and don't worry- they love it), and be looked up to.
This girl has the biggest, brightest, shiniest, funniest, kindest personality you have ever seen. She is going to go places and do big things. She is a natural leader and somehow seems immune to peer pressure, which leads me to believe she will change this ugly world into a much more beautiful place. She loves to worship Jesus and learn about all that the Bible has to teach us, which adds to my assumption for her future. Lila is... Lila. Incredible, beautiful, outgoing, hilarious, creative, unique, intelligent, compassionate, loving, and..... well.. weird.
As I sit and reflect on Father's Day, I can't help but think of my dad and the journey we have taken together. See, when I was little, I remember my daddy being a superhero. He was the strongest man alive. He could fix anything and build anything with his bare hands. He was strong, handsome, silly, and loving. He was everything I needed him to be and he was everything I ever wanted my own Prince Charming to be in the future. But, what I didn't know is what went on behind closed doors. I was oblivious to any fighting, ignorant of any betrayal, blissfully unaware of the fact that my family was falling apart and my world would soon come crashing down around me.
When I was 9 years old my dad left to go start a business venture in South Dakota. This time, it wasn't just a quick business trip. He was moving there. I didn't even consider the idea that my parents would be divorcing. This was just a work thing. I was devastated as my mom and I drove my dad to the airport (I honestly can't remember where we dropped him off.. I just remember the lonely ride there). I was laying on top of my dad's suitcase in the back of my moms little hatchback car. Holding onto it for dear life, as if I could somehow get him to stay if he knew how bad I wanted it. That was that. He was gone.
I remember a little while later being in a counseling session with my sister. We were in sibling-rivalry counseling because we couldn't stop fighting. Ever. In that session, my sister revealed in her own fit of anger that my parents were getting divorced. Boom. All the fighting and bickering was drown out by the silence in my head. All I could hear was the rushing of my blood in my veins as my heart raced. I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't feel anything. It was like I had disappeared and was in my own little room with nothing and nobody. My whole delusion I had been comfortably living in was destroyed. My protector, my hero, my strong and handsome man who could move mountains was gone. He would never come back. I felt lost. And, unfortunately, I felt that way for next 16 years. Lost.
I tried to call my dad. I tried to write my dad. I wanted to visit him as much as I could, but that was only once a year. I clung desperately to the dad I once knew and I sought after him with my whole heart. I won't pretend to know what my dad was going through. I won't pretend to know what he was thinking or feeling. That is his story to tell, not mine. All I know is that when I was with him, I felt like he loved me... just not like he used to. I didn't feel like a priority. I felt like a temporary burden that he needed to adjust his life for, until a few weeks later when he would be free again... until next year. Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of fun. We went to concerts, saw all the fun things in Arizona, went to Mexico several times, and met some incredible people along the way. There was always a woman in his life, and I was grateful that he had someone to take care of him. I developed a deep and meaningful relationship with an amazing woman (Dora, I am talking about you!) who had three incredible kids that I very quickly adopted in my heart as my brothers and little sister. (I always wanted a little sister, and Alexis, I wouldn't have dreamt up a better one than you.)
I watched my dad flourish as the amazing daddy he used to be. The problem? It wasn't with me. It was with his girlfriend's children. As much as I wished I could have that relationship, I was glad those kids had him. He was a shining example of what a daddy should be- and they deserved that. I wasn't mad or resentful. I knew I had my time with him, and it was over. Then came a day when I was 18 years old. I won't go into detail, but it was just another disappointment on the list that my dad had been building. That was my final straw. That was my breaking point. I was vulnerable and upset, and I told him I was no longer allowing him to hurt me.. or my kids. So I stopped talking to him and went on with my life as if my father had died.
Somehow over the next couple of years, we began talking again and my dad was genuinely trying to show me he had changed. He had found the Lord. Now, he had always known God, but chose to not live like it... not until now. Now he was different and in so many good ways. I know it wasn't easy for him to change so much about his life. I know it wasn't easy for him to heal from the years of hurt he had experienced in his life. I know there is much I don't know, and I probably will never know. What I know is that he genuinely gave his life to Christ and he hasn't turned back. When you hear people talk about "new creation"... I am telling you, my dad is a NEW creation! This man is not like the man I knew when I was little, and he most certainly is not the man I knew when I was growing up. He is different.
I am different too. I had a lot of "daddy issues" that jacked me up. They effected every relationship I have ever been in, and I had much to work through. I had much to heal from. I had decided to stop expecting my dad to be the man he was when I was 5. He would never be daddy for me again. In fact, I stopped expecting him to be any kind of father to me whatsoever. There is this magical thing that happens when you put away all expectations- you prevent yourself from being hurt or disappointed. I found God, and over the last three years, I have slowly been building that intimate Abba (Daddy) relationship with Him. He is my daddy. He will never fail me. He will never leave me. He will never hurt me. This frees my dad up to be human. It allows him to make mistakes. I view my dad with adult eyes now. He is not my protector, or my hero. He is not my warrior or my prince charming. He is my brother in Christ. He has scars and bruises and he screws up. That's ok. He points me toward God, and I pray I do the same for him. We have an amazing relationship now and I couldn't ask for anything better.
I have the Daddy I have been searching for. I have been found and am being restored by the One who will never walk away. Sometimes I lay in bed and talk to Him for hours. He calms me when I am hurting, He gives me peace when I am stressed. He comforts me when I worry. He holds me when I need to be held. He protects me from harm, and provides for my every need. I am so thankful for every single step I have taken on this journey. I am thankful for my dad and all he has done for my life. I am eternally grateful for my Abba. My Daddy. He not only gives me life... but abundantly.
I was once a part of a tiny church plant in South Carolina. At the time, I thought they were great. They were saying things that were shaking my soul up and moving me to want to know more about Jesus. Until one Sunday. You have to understand, this was a 'faith based' church, meaning that everything about it revolved around faith. Every service was about faith. Every conversation led to faith. (I am not in any way bashing faith... faith is a beautiful thing that is necessary and can move mountains.. But having faith means trusting that God is right... no matter what happens.) Back to this particular Sunday morning. The pastor was teaching about his friend (who was also a pastor). He explained how his friend's wife had been diagnosed with cancer, and after a long battle, ultimately lost. His friend called him and was overcome with confusion and grief. He asked his friend (my pastor) why God had done this. Why had God taken his wife away from him? My pastor simply responded with, "You didn't have enough faith." This lesson made my stomach turn and I knew something was off about this man's beliefs. This was not the teachings of the Jesus I knew.
That Sunday has sat in my memory for years now. I knew what he was teaching was wrong, I just didn't know why. I have been searching. I have been reading scripture. I think I can take this guy in a faith/cancer/suffering debate now. Bring. It. On.
John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Jesus is telling his disciples here to have courage. Although they would face struggles.. huge ones... they wouldn't be alone. Jesus would never abandon them- and He would never abandon you or I either. We have to remember that the ultimate victory has been won, so we can claim peace in Jesus' name. No matter how big our circumstance. No matter how far along our cancer is. No matter how many of our loved ones pass away.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ..Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
This is Paul talking here. We know he had a problem. A big one. One that was chronic and debilitating. One that kept him from working at times. One that was so horrible, he compared it to hell... Paul prayed three times for the Lord to take this problem from him. Now, I don't know about you.. but I have read a lot about Paul. This was a passionate guy. If there is a picture of faith... he might be it. So, I do not doubt that this man had enough faith to heal him. But, I know that God responded to his prayers with something greater. His problem gave Paul a stronger character, humility, and an ability to empathize with others. Other people were saved because Paul was able to relate to them. Because Paul showed them, that although there is pain and suffering in this life- there is also peace that comes only from Jesus.
Let's wrap our minds around this. Suffering sucks. It truly does. Nobody asks for an extra helping of pain and turmoil. But, it's a part of this life, in this sinful world. Even our God- Jesus- suffered while on this earth. He was homeless. A drifter. He didn't have the luxuries of clean clothes, a hot shower, and a warm bed. He didn't have a fridge full of food and cold water at his disposal. No. He suffered. Even unto death. So, why would we ever think that we would have an easy breezy life just because we chose to love Him back?
God could heal everyone with every prayer that is breathed into the atmosphere. He could blink and every sickness would be gone. Every pain relieved. But His ways are greater than ours. His plan is sovereign and good. We don't know why God chooses to heal some and not others. It's not our job to know all the details and inner workings of the Most High... I am pretty confident that our minds couldn't fathom it anyway. It is our job to pray, believe, and trust that God has us. If we are healed- praise Him! If we aren't- praise Him anyway! Our spiritual condition is always more important than our physical condition. These bodies will waste away... but our souls will live on eternally praising Him.
Here are some other great verses to look up and allow to soak in:
2 Timothy 2:3 Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 3:12 In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted
1 Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
1 Peter 1:6-7 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith- of greater weight than gold, which perishes, even though refined by fire- may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
So I did it. I quit my job. A job that I loved. A job that allowed me to give back to the people of my community in more ways than anything else had. A job that gave me a sense of fulfillment. A job that made me feel more than just a wife and mommy. I had the best boss anyone could ever dream of. A boss that gave me the flexibility of choosing my own hours. A boss that allowed me to grow in my position and not keep me in a box while always looking over my shoulder. I was trusted. I was appreciated. I was actually doing something. So why did I quit this amazing job you wonder?
I can give you six reasons. One of which I am married to and the other five that are basically shorter versions of myself. My family was beginning to suffer. I would get home at the same time as my husband, being tired and not wanting to cook or clean or.. anything. I would spend maybe a total of 3 hours with my children every day before they had to go to bed for school. This was only on the days that I didn't have a Bible study or appointment to run off to. On those days.. I wouldn't see them at all.
Now, I am fully aware and understanding to the fact that many moms do this. They have to. They have to help provide financial stability for their families, and I commend them. They make daily sacrifices and there is no other option. For my family, this isn't the case. I made really good money at my incredible job, but after gas, daycare, lunches, etc... I barely came out ahead. I didn't take this job for the money. My situation was rare and beautiful. I was offered an amazing job that I loved, and I took it because I wanted to- not because I had to.
A few months ago, while cleaning my Grace's room, I found a journal. I am fully aware that I shouldn't have read it.... but let's be honest- you would have read it too. It was basic stuff you would read in an almost 10 year old girl's journal. "Today was good. I ate chicken for lunch. My favorite color is green." Yada yada yada... Well then I came across a day that had big sad faces drawn on it. It began to describe how that day the worst day ever. (I'm paraphrasing here..) "My mom is never home anymore. When she comes home it is only for a minute before she goes off to some Bible study. I miss her and I can't even remember what she looks like anymore."
Then there's my Hazel and Sophia. They had a wonderful babysitter who they adore. Mondays were always easy dropping them off. We would get there and they would run and play with the toys and would hardly say goodbye. By Friday, though... Sophia would give me about 100 goodbye hugs and kisses and Hazel would cry when I left. That. Was. Hard.
After much praying and crying and fighting... I decided I needed to go back to stay-at-home-wife-and-mommy. It was so hard. I argued with God a lot about it. I just wanted to be sure He was actually telling me to go... Cause I wanted Him to tell me to stay so badly. But, alas.. I had the talk with my beautiful boss (and dear friend). It was so hard. I didn't want to do it. I was choking the words out of the throat.. But I finally said it. As soon as I did I felt a rush of peace. I was going to be ok. I had to come to terms with it and finally decided that although she could always find someone capable of filling my position, my family couldn't find a replacement mom and wife. (Well I suppose they could- but do I really want them to?!)
So I am back to sweeping the floor and chasing after Hazel with a baby wipe and a vacuum. I am back to wiping noses and changing stinky diapers. I am back to cooking (I find now that I actually missed cooking) and baking. I am back to picking up toys all day and making snacks constantly (these kids eat. ALOT!). As hard as it has been to figure out how to do all over again... it's beautiful. I wouldn't change it for anything. I get to wake up... slowly. I get to have endless kisses and hugs from my tender hearted Sophia. I get to make my Hazel laugh like crazy at my silliness. Don't get me wrong, it is exhausting. Even my bones are tired by the time I lay Hazel down for bed. My patience runs thin at times and I have to whip out my "man voice" to get my point across. The messes never end, the sippy cup never stays full, and SpongeBob seems to have been permanently adopted as my "I have to take a shower babysitter". But I get to experience all the little things that I have missed and that are so precious and fleeting. I don't have to miss a thing anymore, and I am beyond grateful. I loved working outside the home, and I love working inside of it once again. Grass can be greener on your side of the fence... you just have to water it once in awhile.
