What?! You have how many kids?! And they're all girls?! Yes. I get this reaction almost on a daily basis. I think when people find out how many children I have they must imagine my house to look like the end of a crazy house party with toilet paper hanging from the ceiling, food dripping off the top of the TV, dogs running around half shaved with shaving cream covering the other half, and my children running like wild banshees screaming throughout the house and front lawn. Then I tell them they are all girls.... oh Lord! Now come the images of cat fights and hair pulling over the pink nail polish that is about to be broken on the kitchen floor, tampons strewn about, clothes and shoes piled up in every corner of the house, and crying.. so much crying.
But my reality is very much different than what I think people imagine. While 5 daughters isn't ideal for most people, it is for us. In fact, the day before I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, I didn't want kids at all. I was selfish and had big dreams that didn't involve tripping over anyone's Barbie dolls. Then the next day and several tests later, God changed my plans. Luciana opened my eyes to a world that I would've otherwise never given a chance. I never considered an abortion. I never considered giving her up for adoption. I just accepted it and kept moving forward, as I have continued to do with every twist God throws my way.
Did I want to have 5 girls? Heck no! Does that mean I would go back in time and change the gender of one of them if I could? Would I go back in time and give a couple of them back? Never. These girls were made with the most incredible stuff. God filled them with gifts that I admire and cherish. Every snuggle, hug, kiss, song, dance, performance, smile, laugh, and cry makes this life a dream that I would've missed out on if God didn't take over. With every positive pregnancy test, my heart made room to love another being with everything I have. And I will be totally honest with you, I would have 6 more if I could.
My girls are respectful, polite, kind, serving, loving, generous, gentle, hilarious, sweet, and all have the biggest hearts that you will ever experience. So, why would having these incredible little people be a bad thing? I get it. I totally do. I sat at an awards banquet the other night with many other young girls, boys, and their families. I listened to the horrid way they spoke to their parents. I heard them threaten their moms if they didn't get what they wanted, telling them to "shut up", and directly disobey whatever direction their parents had for them. (Mind you, these are not the 'bad kids' at school. This was a Future Business Leaders of America awards banquet. These were the straight A/perfect attendance kids.) I was shocked because my kids aren't perfect and they definitely act out, but absolutely not at a restaurant. In fact, we get complimented most times on how beautiful and well mannered our girls are when we are out. There were several moments when I looked at my Luciana and saw her wide eyed with her mouth open in horror. She was embarrassed for them. She was mortified at their behavior. She was waiting for their mouths to get slapped. Well, the slaps never came, so the horror commenced.
This experience helps me realize why people might be in awe at the size of our family. If my kids acted like that and treated me that way... I would've dropped them off at the fire station years ago. There is absolutely no way my children would dream of talking back to me like that. So why are my kids different? Do I beat them? Do I pull a Carrie and make them "sit in the closet and pray"? Do I shelter them and make believe this world is filled with candy and rainbows at every corner? Do I only allow them to watch Veggie Tales and read the Bible, keeping their dear minds in a bubble and away from secular media?
Ummm no. To all the above. I have smacked my kids on the bottom and even their mouths from time to time. It is a very rare occasion nowadays, cause they know I'm not bluffing. I will soap my child's mouth up quicker than they can get the entire cuss word out. (Which again, never happens... cause I WILL soap them!) I am honest with my girls. Answering any questions they have about sex, relationships, friends, marriage, or anything they might be wondering about in this crazy world. I never judge or condemn them, so they feel comfortable coming to me with these things versus going to their friends at school. I allow them to watch scary movies (ones that I know won't end them up sleeping in between Mike and I) and read novels. I draw the line at sexual content because I don't need to be feeding temptation to my girls when I am promoting abstinence. Basically, if there's sex in it, NO. So yes, my older girls watched The Skeleton Key and they have read Twilight. The good news is, their morals and values aren't shaken because they don't get them from the TV or a movie. They get them from my husband and I, making TV and movies what they are supposed to be- entertainment.
Our girls have chores and they will do what we ask with a "yes ma'am" or "yes sir". They will help by changing a diaper or giving the baby a bath. They will help take care of each other and they have no problem doing so. Our children are learning every day that this life isn't about me. It's not about serving me and doing whatever it takes and stepping on whoever I need to in order to get the best for me. Don't get me wrong. We encourage our girls to chase their dreams. We encourage our girls to take every advantage of this life and what it has to offer. But not at the cost of anyone else. Because of the servant minds we are instilling in our girls, their dreams are about others. About serving and helping and doing for others.
So next time we talk about how many kids I have or that I have all girls, please don't look at me like I have terminal brain cancer and say "bless your heart". I love this life. I love my huge family. I love that I have been blessed with all girls. Give me 6 more just like these ones.
PS... A kind older Chinese man told Mike and I, when I was pregnant with Hazel, that in Chinese culture we would be at the top of the totem pole. 5 daughters is incredibly lucky, and to have one born in the year of the dragon is a whole 'nother lucky charm right on top of the immense fortune we have. We don't believe in Chinese superstition, but I believe we are luckier than most. Blessed beyond our wildest imaginations and then little Hazel just boosted our fortune tenfold. You should be so lucky to have the girls we have...
Ok, I will be perfectly honest with you. Today sucked. Big time. Three out of my five beautiful little girls all decided to start growing these disgusting little fungus spots on their bodies (aka ringworm, aka YUCK!). This might not be the worst thing in the world, if it wasn't for the extremely contagious nature of it. We have been battling this for over a week already. Loading up on massive amounts of anti-fungal cream and covering it up like the plague with bandages and tape. You would think this would be a quick fix based on how everyone talks about it- but I am beginning to suspect they are all lying to me and sitting back laughing while I am here pulling my hair out with my cream covered rubber gloves and plague invested bandages stuck to my bum ....("They" being the pharmacist, the doctor, school nurse, friends, family, etc.)
So I receive a text from a dear friend. Just checking in to make sure I am breathing, I suppose.. and she gives me the most brilliant advice (advice that "they" were all withholding from me- cause that would be less hilarious)... Clorox. I know, right? Why did I not think of this myself. Bleach can kill anything. I am sure if doctors could inject bleach into a cancerous tumor without killing their patient- they most definitely would. So I pull out a spray bottle and begin spraying their plague-spots with bleach. My friend warned me it would burn and they would tell me to stop- but there was no reaction. Nothing. Oh great, my dear friend is now one of "them".... But wait... a few more sprays and the whining begins. VICTORY! It is working! I tell my beautiful girls to suck it up- the more it burns, the more it's working... right?? (In reality I was much sweeter and more sympathetic- blowing on their owies and telling them how brave they are.. yada yada...)
Same friend (now out of the "them" group again) texts me today asking how the Clorox is working.. I tell her it's kind of helping, I guess. She asks if I am scrubbing hard enough... Wait, what?! Scrubbing?! Oh dear Lord Jesus. With the burning, I don't know if I can torture them more.... umm.. yes I can. Got to be tough to kick the plague, right? So today we scrub bleach on their spots and sure as I am still alive- the spots begin to disappear. It was as if I was scrubbing them right off! (All but two spots that I didn't really scrub cause they are red and raw and even bleeding a bit...) Praise the Lord, Jesus! The plague is being defeated. You would think that I found a cure for AIDS.
So the fact that my washing machine pooped out yesterday; The fact that unexpected bills popped up putting our finances in the toilet; The fact that I can't seem to work out this whole riding lawnmower thing leaving my yard looking like a blind man mowed it; The fact that one of my dogs refuses to listen to me because I am not a 6' tall, bald, handsome man with a deep voice; The fact that my baby still asks me where Dada is every time she sees his truck (several times a day);
All of these things that want to sneak up and overwhelm and smother me in their misery.... well they all seem a little less terrible now that I have found the cure for the plague. One small victory for the McLaughlin house today.
Like the YouTube video of a past service that I missed preached to me today- It is well with my soul. I will rejoice and remind myself probably a zillion more times before this summer is over... It is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul.
Silence. There was nothing to say. The trees whizzed by and the highway laid out before us. But there was no words. The closer we got to the drop off point, the tighter the knot in my stomach and the faster my heart began pounding. My face was stoic and my tears were nowhere to be found. I had to be strong right? For my children, who needed my comfort. For my husband, who needed my strength. Swallowing the rising lump in my throat, we arrived and unloaded his bags. The same place we left him when he deployed last year.
But, its only 3 months.... And, at least he's staying stateside.... Oh- and my favorite one.. well, you are military.... Yes. It is not a war zone. It is 3 months, instead of 9 or 12. And, this was our decision to re-enlist and continue in this life. Does any of those facts make it easier to be separated from my best friend, my companion, my co-parent, my lover, my partner in this crazy life? No. Being military doesn't make us impenetrable. It just means, we are better than most at keeping our heads down and weathering the storm. It means we appreciate the good night kisses a little bit more than most, and we squeeze every goodbye a little tighter.
If you are not military, then I do not expect you to understand. It's not your fault, it's just that you haven't walked a mile in my shoes. Most of you have never had to be away from the love of your life for months at a time, without any promise of phone service, emails, and most likely no visits. Most of you have never had to comfort your 12 year old as she cries about her dad leaving.. again. Most of you have never watched your 4 year old slowly come unraveled over a period of a couple weeks, as she builds up to the final hug and kiss she will get to give her daddy. Most of you have never had your hearts break as you watch your oblivious 1.5 year old give kisses to her most favorite person, unaware that when she gets home tonight... he won't be there. Most of you have never felt the sting of knowing that over the first 24 months of your child's life, her daddy will have missed 12 of them.
I won't ask for your pity. I won't ask for your help. I won't ask for your understanding. I will, however, ask for your compassion. I will ask for your patience as I, once again, figure out how to be a single mom. And I ask for your prayers. The only reason we don't fall apart is HIM. The only way we will get through this is HIM. Trusting and holding onto HIS promises keeps us moving. Believing that HE is with us, holding us and making good of all of this. HE works all things out for good. Every time.
So off I go. Head down. Into the storm. Holding HIS hand until we get to the other side of it.
