Being a brand new person is amazing. It is liberating and exciting and everything is just better. Food tastes better, my husband is more handsome than ever, the sky is no longer just a backdrop- but a masterpiece that I feel He must've painted just for me. My children's laughter is like music that I could dance to all day. My dogs are softer and gentler and more lovable than ever. Everything is just... better.
But there is a lot of challenge that comes with this new life. This dying to self and choosing to follow Jesus at all costs. All costs. It gets messy sometimes because people don't necessarily understand. They are still living where the sky is a backdrop.
God did some amazing work in me last weekend. A work that I am certain beyond any doubt I will never stray away from. It was an incredible Old Testament kind of experience. Something that cannot be explained with science or reason. But this thing that happened, it opened me up for the next chapter in this faith walk I'm on. With that, God showed me it's time to put down the milk and have some steak. That's right, folks, I started studying the Old Testament. But, since I tend to dance to the beat of my own drum, I didn't begin in Genesis, but in 1 Samuel. And I am so glad I did.
1 Samuel 2:29 NIV
Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?
See God was talking to his high priest, Eli. Eli had a responsibility to God and to His people. His sons were also priests. They were in charge of the offering to God. This offering was so important. It was meant to honor God and was used to seek forgiveness for the sins of all the people. Eli's sons were taking part in the offering before it was offered up to God. This was just one of many selfish and sinful things these men were doing. They were consumed with control, power, and possessions. Their behavior was beyond terrible and punishable by death.
But Eli chose to ignore their behavior. He was very well aware of it, but he loved his sons. He didn't want the responsibility of having to execute them. He chastised them, but they continued in their ways and Eli continued ignoring them. The actions of these men ruined their lives, as well as the lives of many others. Yet Eli turned his cheek and chose to let it be...
Eli had a responsibility that extended way beyond being a father. He was the high priest in charge of the priests below him. He chose to honor his sons and fellow priests instead of honoring God. By doing nothing he was just as guilty as they were.
This really got me thinking about my own life and my relationships. I am a follower of Jesus. Which means I have chosen to throw the cares of this world away and give everything to Him. At all costs, remember? There have been times when I have been in a situation where I had the option of honoring God, or honoring my friend/husband/child. I had to choose. Is my relationship with this person more important that God? Am I willing to dishonor my Creator, my God, my Daddy, my best friend just so I don't hurt this person's feelings or make them angry with me?
Joshua 24:15 NIV
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then chose this day whom you will serve....
Yeah. Seriously. It's at those moments. In those tough situations, where God whispers, "Choose." I have grown to a point in my life that I have decided to stop caring what people think about me. My only concern is whether Jesus will be shaking his head or applauding my next move. I live and move and breathe to glorify Him and Him only. This is hard for those of you who knew the old me. The me who would agree to anything just because I didn't want to seem close-minded. The me who would jump through hoops and stretch myself thin just to make sure that you liked me.
I am not in any way saying that I am perfect. I am not saying that I am not going to screw up. After all, we are all jacked up! We all fall short of the glory of God. But, when I decide to call you out when you bring your junk to me; When I decide to love you enough to be the one to not pat you on the back and tell you what you did or are doing is ok, then please know where my heart is. I love you enough to want your life to glorify God. I love you enough to want you seated at that banquet with me. I love you enough to help hold you up and keep you pointed in the right direction. I love you enough to care more about your soul than your feelings. And I pray that you love me enough to do the same.
I don't want to tell you my opinions. I don't want to tell you my views. I want to tell you His truth. His Word. That's all. If what I say to you doesn't line up with the Word, then by all means.. call me out. Help me stay on the path too. But, know my heart is FOR you. Not against you. I know who I used to be and I know I never want to see that broken person ever again. If I start looking back at her... Call. Me. Out. Remind me who I am. Love me enough to risk my feelings for my holiness.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Something amazing this way comes
Something is happening. I don't know what, but I know it's coming. It has already begun and it's going to be huge. I feel a sense of anticipation. Butterflies in my stomach like meeting that cute guy for your first date. It gets so overwhelming at times that my jaw clenches and I can't hardly stand it.
There is a different feeling at church the last few weeks. I can't put my finger on exactly what, but something has shifted. There is a change in the atmosphere and it's intriguing. Exciting. I begin to feel it on the way to church, and it builds as I pull into the parking lot, and even more so as I walk into the building. It's the expectation. It's the anticipation that something huge is happening. Something I can't see, but I can most certainly feel it.
Walking into the room I begin to worship (cause let's face it, I am probably at least a few minutes late- so it's already begun). The instruments play together beautifully, giving out such a perfect sound. Our worship team sings like their voices were made for each other. Nothing is out of place. Every song played is exactly the song that I needed to hear. Every word sang and spoken over the crowd is the words that my soul needed at this very moment.
I close my eyes and silently ask God to wipe me clean and pour into my heart. Refill me, Lord, of all that you are, so I can pour out only what is good. As the songs continue to hit home, I raise my hands in worship. I feel the hot tears running down my cheeks and I surrender all that is weighing down my heart and I leave it at His feet. It's none of my business anymore. I listen to words glorifying my Father and I am overwhelmed by a sense of awe that He would choose to love me.
With every moment and every tear, I feel more at home. At peace. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says: Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. I am here to tell you how very true that is. I feel free. Completely unchained to the burdens of this life and this world. Completely at peace with who I am and where I am. With my eyes closed and my heart open, I am home.
With this incredible feeling of freedom, I begin to feel the weight of His glory. I am so in awe of His holiness and His goodness and His love. My knees begin to shake and I hear the gentle whisper in my heart encouraging me to really surrender. I fall to my knees and bow before the Almighty. Psalms 95:6 says: Come, let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker.
It's a spiritual heaviness that is drawing me to my knees. I want to fully humble myself and surrender all that I am to my King. Once there, the tears really get going. It's a kind of release that is only furthering my freedom. It's pent up emotion- frustration, anger, resentment, happiness, love, joyfulness. It's all coming out in a whirlwind that I didn't even know I needed. It's that emptying that I asked God for. "Empty me of me, so that I can be filled with you." That's what this is.
I rise to my feet again as the music takes an upbeat turn. I am so light and free that I can almost bet I will start floating. I dance and sing to my Daddy and I feel a joy that I can't find with anyone else. I get a sort of high that no drug can compare to. I close my eyes as my body moves with the music and a moment later I see it. A cloud. Completely surrounding the entire room. It is white and fluffy and airy, but dense with a thickness of so many people. I can't see faces. I can only see shapes. There are hundreds or more of these "cloud people" surrounding us and worshiping with us.
Instantly I recognize the scripture, but I have to read it to see what God is really showing me. Hebrews 12:1 says: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses... hmm. I feel an urging to read the Message version and it almost knocks me off my feet.
Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG
Do you see what this means? All these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
Yes! Thank you God for reminding me. For showing me. Those pioneers? Those witnesses? Those veterans? My grandma is in there. My babies that I have lost- they're in there too. Cheering me on. Worshipping alongside me in church on Sunday, in my car as I drive, in my living room as I clean, and all the while cheering for me in this race. They are encouraging me when I fall down to get back up. They are applauding every time I choose Jesus. Every time I make the bold step to stand for Him, and not be swayed with my circumstances or by the things of this world.
I had my glimpse of Heaven. In fact, I am finding that the more I keep my eyes focused on Him- the more glimpses I have. Heaven isn't about what you can see. It's about what you can feel. Unless you make the choice to allow God into your heart, I don't see how you can feel Him. His presence. His freedom. I pray every one reading this figures out a way to be bold enough. To be courageous enough to allow Him to break through the barrier and into the deepest places in your heart. I promise, as scary as it is to let your guard down, and to become vulnerable- He will not abuse you. He will not treat you badly. He will tenderly show you what kind of a doctor He is. He will heal your brokenness. While healing almost always comes with some pain, He will hold you through it. His love is like a medicine. Easing your pain and curing your ailments.
Something big is coming. It's already here and it's changing things. The atmosphere is changing. The dynamic is changing. Something is happening. I am thrilled to be in the front row to experience it. I pray you decide to accept tickets to this show, cause "It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be full of HIM"!
Ephesians 1:15-19 MSG
That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!
There is a different feeling at church the last few weeks. I can't put my finger on exactly what, but something has shifted. There is a change in the atmosphere and it's intriguing. Exciting. I begin to feel it on the way to church, and it builds as I pull into the parking lot, and even more so as I walk into the building. It's the expectation. It's the anticipation that something huge is happening. Something I can't see, but I can most certainly feel it.
Walking into the room I begin to worship (cause let's face it, I am probably at least a few minutes late- so it's already begun). The instruments play together beautifully, giving out such a perfect sound. Our worship team sings like their voices were made for each other. Nothing is out of place. Every song played is exactly the song that I needed to hear. Every word sang and spoken over the crowd is the words that my soul needed at this very moment.
I close my eyes and silently ask God to wipe me clean and pour into my heart. Refill me, Lord, of all that you are, so I can pour out only what is good. As the songs continue to hit home, I raise my hands in worship. I feel the hot tears running down my cheeks and I surrender all that is weighing down my heart and I leave it at His feet. It's none of my business anymore. I listen to words glorifying my Father and I am overwhelmed by a sense of awe that He would choose to love me.
With every moment and every tear, I feel more at home. At peace. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says: Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. I am here to tell you how very true that is. I feel free. Completely unchained to the burdens of this life and this world. Completely at peace with who I am and where I am. With my eyes closed and my heart open, I am home.
With this incredible feeling of freedom, I begin to feel the weight of His glory. I am so in awe of His holiness and His goodness and His love. My knees begin to shake and I hear the gentle whisper in my heart encouraging me to really surrender. I fall to my knees and bow before the Almighty. Psalms 95:6 says: Come, let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker.
It's a spiritual heaviness that is drawing me to my knees. I want to fully humble myself and surrender all that I am to my King. Once there, the tears really get going. It's a kind of release that is only furthering my freedom. It's pent up emotion- frustration, anger, resentment, happiness, love, joyfulness. It's all coming out in a whirlwind that I didn't even know I needed. It's that emptying that I asked God for. "Empty me of me, so that I can be filled with you." That's what this is.
I rise to my feet again as the music takes an upbeat turn. I am so light and free that I can almost bet I will start floating. I dance and sing to my Daddy and I feel a joy that I can't find with anyone else. I get a sort of high that no drug can compare to. I close my eyes as my body moves with the music and a moment later I see it. A cloud. Completely surrounding the entire room. It is white and fluffy and airy, but dense with a thickness of so many people. I can't see faces. I can only see shapes. There are hundreds or more of these "cloud people" surrounding us and worshiping with us.
Instantly I recognize the scripture, but I have to read it to see what God is really showing me. Hebrews 12:1 says: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses... hmm. I feel an urging to read the Message version and it almost knocks me off my feet.
Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG
Do you see what this means? All these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
Yes! Thank you God for reminding me. For showing me. Those pioneers? Those witnesses? Those veterans? My grandma is in there. My babies that I have lost- they're in there too. Cheering me on. Worshipping alongside me in church on Sunday, in my car as I drive, in my living room as I clean, and all the while cheering for me in this race. They are encouraging me when I fall down to get back up. They are applauding every time I choose Jesus. Every time I make the bold step to stand for Him, and not be swayed with my circumstances or by the things of this world.
I had my glimpse of Heaven. In fact, I am finding that the more I keep my eyes focused on Him- the more glimpses I have. Heaven isn't about what you can see. It's about what you can feel. Unless you make the choice to allow God into your heart, I don't see how you can feel Him. His presence. His freedom. I pray every one reading this figures out a way to be bold enough. To be courageous enough to allow Him to break through the barrier and into the deepest places in your heart. I promise, as scary as it is to let your guard down, and to become vulnerable- He will not abuse you. He will not treat you badly. He will tenderly show you what kind of a doctor He is. He will heal your brokenness. While healing almost always comes with some pain, He will hold you through it. His love is like a medicine. Easing your pain and curing your ailments.
Something big is coming. It's already here and it's changing things. The atmosphere is changing. The dynamic is changing. Something is happening. I am thrilled to be in the front row to experience it. I pray you decide to accept tickets to this show, cause "It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be full of HIM"!
Ephesians 1:15-19 MSG
That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!
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