Now it's time to say goodbye

Lately, I have been struggling emotionally with all the changes happening around me. I am not one to fight or discourage change. I like change. I have a bit of a "gypsy soul". I could move to a different house every few years and not bat an eye, or change my entire house's décor and not care. I don't despise change. Unless it involves people. People are the thing that gets me. They are irreplaceable. One of a kind. Having to move on or watch them move on is hard. It never gets easier.

One of the hardest times in the last few years, was when two of my dearest friends moved away. This is the Army life, you know? It all comes with the package. But, I wasn't prepared for the deep hole it would leave in my heart. These women were here for me through some of the scariest and hardest times in my life. When I had nobody, and even sometimes when I wanted nobody- they showed up anyway. Knowing exactly what I needed. They were my first experience of spiritually thriving friendship. They not only helped me with my physical and emotional needs, but they helped strengthen me spiritually. Iron sharpening iron, right?



When these incredible women moved away, I closed my heart and didn't want to open it to anyone else. I know this is ridiculous and I have struggled with it ever since. I want the amazing friendship without the hurt and risk. Knowing the risk is worth it, I have begun opening my heart again. Allowing people in. Allowing myself to really love people again.

Which has led me right back to the part I dread. My people are leaving. One at a time, it feels like almost everyone is going. Some have already gone, and others are gearing up to leave. It doesn't seem fair and it never feels good. I know God has a plan and a purpose. I know He brought these people into my life for a reason. They have all made an effect on me and my life that I will carry into eternity. But the sad reality (no matter what we say or want to believe) is that I may very well never see these beautiful people again in this life. Finding comfort in the midst of this truth is hard.

But... God.

Acts 20: 36-38
When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.

"Paul's relationship with these believers is a beautiful example of Christian fellowship. He cared for them and loved then, even cried over their needs. They responded with love and care for him and sorrow over his leaving. They had prayed together and comforted one another. Like Paul, you can build strong relationships with other Christians by sharing, caring, sorrowing, rejoicing, and praying with them. You will gather others around you only by giving yourself away to them."

Wow.

So I close with this. The pain of watching people move away to different ends of this earth sucks. Miserably. But then I remember the laughter. The tears. The comfort of having someone to silently sit next to you and embrace you while you sob like a baby. The prayers of hope when you can't see any. The surprise poster board signs and silly string attacks to brighten your day and ease your fears. The coffee. The meals. The stupid random text messages. The little things that, looking back, were actually really big things. Things that will never leave my memory or my heart. 




Those things make it all worth it. Even if I never see these amazing people again, I know that I will carry them with me every day of my life. I am just grateful and humbled that I had the opportunity to know them and be a part of their life for just a little while. Thank you God, for each of these people and thank you for everything you have instilled in them. 



Ecclesiastes 3:14-15 MSG
    
¹⁴ I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.

¹⁵ Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That’s how it always is with God.