Goggles

So many people have told me how much I've changed in the last few years. It's true. Just about everything about me has changed. I'm not just talking my hair and weight either. My taste in music, movies, games, weekend activities, books, etc. I used to love going out to the bar every weekend and dancing until my body ached. I used to cuss like a sailor and it didn't faze me. I used to be attracted to just about any man who said the right thing and made me feel special (that's a whole other story....). I used to smoke every day and drink (to get drunk) as often as I could, and I loved every moment of it. To be really transparent... I used to even enjoy watching porn. That caused me to allow my body to be used and abused in ways that now make me shudder. My intimate relationship with my husband was dramatically different than it is now.

So, what changed? Well.. Jesus changed me. It sounds cliché and ridiculous, but it's the truth. I have never really been able to put into words how these things have been changing until now. I have begun reading yet another fantastic book (and yes.. it was free!). It is called When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore. It says, "Satan so vehemently despises what Christ has done for mortals that one of his chief objectives is to make the clean feel unclean... Satan can't make the bride do anything, so he does everything he can to get her to... He tries to corrupt thoughts to manipulate feelings... Satan's desire is to modify human behavior to accomplish his unholy purposes. 2 Timothy 2:26 tells us that Satan's objective in taking people captive is to get them to do his will. If we received Christ as our Savior, Satan is forced to work from the outside rather than the inside. Thus, he manipulates outside influences to affect the inside decision-makers of the heart and mind."

I used to do terrible things and I enjoyed them. I lived to please my flesh. Whatever feels good at the time is where I want to be and it didn't matter the consequence. See, Satan doesn't always work with fear. If he can get us to turn our eyes and hearts away from God, then he wins. It doesn't matter how it happens.. if we are not with God, then we are apart from Him. It all ends the same. Either with the Lord or with the enemy. There is no in between. So I chose Jesus. I decided that I wanted HIM to reign over my life and most certainly not the devil. In fact, the idea of Satan being inside of me and wrapping his cold hands around my heart, makes me sick. Never again. Ever.

 

So I accepted Christ and things began changing. It didn't just magically happen, I had to 'die daily'. (I still do!) I had to choose to stop listening to music about sex and violence and adultery- and I learned how to genuinely worship my God. I had to choose to stop watching movies that gave me bad ideas or nightmares- and I learned how to take control of my thoughts and not allow myself to be influenced. I had to choose to watch my mouth and not cuss anymore- and I learned how to use my words to speak life and give encouragement and love and truth. I had to choose to find other things to do on the weekends other than getting drunk- and I learned to play games with my family, to laugh until I cried, to go for bike rides, and on dates with my gorgeous man.

I had to choose to stop watching porn. That was a big one. That was the hardest thing to change. Not the whole watching part, that was pretty easy for me. It was the way I thought abut sex, how I should act as a woman, and how my husband should act as a man. All this was skewed because of the terribly fake things I had allowed myself to view and believe. I had to learn what a real woman looks like. Intimately, publicly, as a wife... the whole shebang. And I had to learn how to accept being loved and treated with respect. Now, my intimate life with my husband looks very different (in a gloriously good way.. trust me....). In fact, our entire marriage looks different. I don't want to be dominated. I want to be loved and respected and guided gently. In the same book, Beth Moore says, "Since the Spirit of Christ now dwells in the temple of believers' bodies, getting a Christian engaged in sexual sin is the closest Satan can come to personally assaulting Christ. That ought to make us mad enough to be determined to live victoriously. Sins against the body also have a way of sticking to us and making us feel like we are that sin rather than the fact that we've committed that sin." I will never have to live in sexual sin again as long as I guard my heart and my mind. I am only saddened that I didn't read this book years ago.

Once you accept Christ as your Savior and allow Him to kick out the enemy and take up residence in your heart, you will never be the same. I promise you that your whole way of viewing the world will be different. Where things have become sources of comfort, they will again just be things. God will be your source of comfort and love. You wont have to search anymore. You wont have to walk through this life alone anymore. God will gladly and lovingly take your hand and guide you into the salvation your heart longs for. It is the most amazing thing to have Jesus break the chains that bind you to this sinful world. But don't take my word for it....