Pursuit

Some of you know my oldest daughter, Luciana. She is the amazing girl I previously blogged about... yeah, that one. About a week ago, she came home from school and was a mess. She was cranky and being disrespectful and just not herself in the least. It was driving me kind of crazy because this had been going on for a few weeks. Here and there Luci would lose sight of things and be just nasty and disrespectful. On this Friday, I sat down and asked her what was really going on. Why was she acting like this lately?

At first she went on about some bully at school she had trouble with earlier in the year. How this mean girl had moved away, but was back now and it was basically the end of the world. I started remembering what our restore group had just discussed a few days prior. Forgiveness. I went into how it's important for us to forgive and what the Bible has to say about it. How it isn't necessarily for the other person, but for us. For our own freedom from bitterness, hurt, anger, and resentment It was then that Luci's face began to change. I could tell the words I was saying was striking a chord with her. She was becoming increasingly upset and finally broke down and told me how she had already forgiven this girl and this wasn't even the real reason for her crankiness.

Luciana was devastated because her 11th birthday was coming in less than a week and she was remembering how most of her life she hadn't spent this special day with the one man she wanted to. Her dad. She revealed to me that she felt so unimportant and neglected by him. She said she had been waiting for him to get out of the Navy so he could be more available to her. But, now he is done in the military, and still not making himself available. She has continued to call and try to arrange visits, but he has many reasons why its just not possible. When she has been with him, he is preoccupied and doesn't give her his attention. This entire conversation brought me back to my own childhood and a revelation came at that very moment.

 

I have a fabulous relationship with my own dad now, as an adult. We have a brother/sister in Christ type relationship that blows our previous one out of the water. But, my earlier years looked a lot like Luci's. My dad was gone a lot of it. Working and providing and doing the best he knew to do. My parents did an incredible job of keeping me in the dark as to their fighting and issues so when my parents divorced, it came as a complete shock to me. I was 9 and it was devastating to me. I felt abandoned and neglected and all I wanted in the whole world was to feel loved and important. Instead, it felt like my dad left not just my mom, but all of us. Especially me. I wrote letters, made phone calls, and did all that my young mind could think of to keep a relationship going with him, but it was usually a very one way street. He would talk when I called, but he rarely, if ever called me. I was pursuing him, when it should have been the other way around.

When little girls grow up, they will model every man and every relationship around the relationship they had with their own father. Therefore, fathers... pursue your daughters! It seems a little weird to say it without explaining it. But, just like when you begin dating someone and you are so into them and you give them all your attention. You call, write, email, and send gifts. Seeking to know them more and wanting to build a stronger relationship with them. Do this for your daughters too!! Your child should never have to be the one to facilitate your time spent with them. You need to go to her and show her how important she is to you. How valued and loved she is. She should know beyond any doubt that she is one of the best things that has ever happened to you. 

If she has to be the one chasing you, this is most likely what her life will look as an adult. Constantly seeking love, affection, acceptance and approval from men. She will be insecure with herself and her traits. She will second guess if she is worth it. She will lower her standards and fall for anyone or anything that gives her even momentary satisfaction. Don't let this happen. Don't leave your daughter struggling to find the love and acceptance that simple little gestures on your part can provide for her. She looks at you like you are the strongest, biggest, bravest, most courageous hero. Don't let her down. Hug her. Kiss her. Sing her a song, Read her a story. Be silly and playful with her. Make it a point to set aside a few minutes every day to devote to her. She will be your legacy. Her life will reflect your parenting and values. 

Psalm 127:3-5 MSG
   Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
    the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
    are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
    with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
    you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.


 
I had to forgive my dad just as Luciana will have to forgive hers. I had to find a daddy in God the Father. I realized that He is sufficient. That although, my dad couldn't love me how I needed him to, God always has. It's so hard to try to explain this to an 11 year old girl who wants a daddy that is tangible and who she can reach out and touch. But, we wont relent. Mike and I will keep pursuing her. We will show her love from a mommy and daddy who will never stop. We will pray for her dad to see what a gift she is to him. We will continue to direct her eyes up. One day, she will feel the loving embrace of Jesus, and she will know how amazing she truly is. And it will be enough. 

John 1:14 NLT
So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father's one and only Son.



PS.. Check out this song as it pretty much fits, perfectly.