Some of you know my oldest daughter, Luciana. She is the amazing girl I previously blogged about... yeah, that one. About a week ago, she came home from school and was a mess. She was cranky and being disrespectful and just not herself in the least. It was driving me kind of crazy because this had been going on for a few weeks. Here and there Luci would lose sight of things and be just nasty and disrespectful. On this Friday, I sat down and asked her what was really going on. Why was she acting like this lately?
At first she went on about some bully at school she had trouble with earlier in the year. How this mean girl had moved away, but was back now and it was basically the end of the world. I started remembering what our restore group had just discussed a few days prior. Forgiveness. I went into how it's important for us to forgive and what the Bible has to say about it. How it isn't necessarily for the other person, but for us. For our own freedom from bitterness, hurt, anger, and resentment It was then that Luci's face began to change. I could tell the words I was saying was striking a chord with her. She was becoming increasingly upset and finally broke down and told me how she had already forgiven this girl and this wasn't even the real reason for her crankiness.
Luciana was devastated because her 11th birthday was coming in less than a week and she was remembering how most of her life she hadn't spent this special day with the one man she wanted to. Her dad. She revealed to me that she felt so unimportant and neglected by him. She said she had been waiting for him to get out of the Navy so he could be more available to her. But, now he is done in the military, and still not making himself available. She has continued to call and try to arrange visits, but he has many reasons why its just not possible. When she has been with him, he is preoccupied and doesn't give her his attention. This entire conversation brought me back to my own childhood and a revelation came at that very moment.
I have a fabulous relationship with my own dad now, as an adult. We have a brother/sister in Christ type relationship that blows our previous one out of the water. But, my earlier years looked a lot like Luci's. My dad was gone a lot of it. Working and providing and doing the best he knew to do. My parents did an incredible job of keeping me in the dark as to their fighting and issues so when my parents divorced, it came as a complete shock to me. I was 9 and it was devastating to me. I felt abandoned and neglected and all I wanted in the whole world was to feel loved and important. Instead, it felt like my dad left not just my mom, but all of us. Especially me. I wrote letters, made phone calls, and did all that my young mind could think of to keep a relationship going with him, but it was usually a very one way street. He would talk when I called, but he rarely, if ever called me. I was pursuing him, when it should have been the other way around.
When little girls grow up, they will model every man and every relationship around the relationship they had with their own father. Therefore, fathers... pursue your daughters! It seems a little weird to say it without explaining it. But, just like when you begin dating someone and you are so into them and you give them all your attention. You call, write, email, and send gifts. Seeking to know them more and wanting to build a stronger relationship with them. Do this for your daughters too!! Your child should never have to be the one to facilitate your time spent with them. You need to go to her and show her how important she is to you. How valued and loved she is. She should know beyond any doubt that she is one of the best things that has ever happened to you.
If she has to be the one chasing you, this is most likely what her life will look as an adult. Constantly seeking love, affection, acceptance and approval from men. She will be insecure with herself and her traits. She will second guess if she is worth it. She will lower her standards and fall for anyone or anything that gives her even momentary satisfaction. Don't let this happen. Don't leave your daughter struggling to find the love and acceptance that simple little gestures on your part can provide for her. She looks at you like you are the strongest, biggest, bravest, most courageous hero. Don't let her down. Hug her. Kiss her. Sing her a song, Read her a story. Be silly and playful with her. Make it a point to set aside a few minutes every day to devote to her. She will be your legacy. Her life will reflect your parenting and values.
Psalm 127:3-5 MSG
Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.
I had to forgive my dad just as Luciana will have to forgive hers. I had to find a daddy in God the Father. I realized that He is sufficient. That although, my dad couldn't love me how I needed him to, God always has. It's so hard to try to explain this to an 11 year old girl who wants a daddy that is tangible and who she can reach out and touch. But, we wont relent. Mike and I will keep pursuing her. We will show her love from a mommy and daddy who will never stop. We will pray for her dad to see what a gift she is to him. We will continue to direct her eyes up. One day, she will feel the loving embrace of Jesus, and she will know how amazing she truly is. And it will be enough.
John 1:14 NLT
So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father's one and only Son.
PS.. Check out this song as it pretty much fits, perfectly.
My amazing and beautiful daughter, Luciana, just turned 11 years old yesterday. Wow. Where in the heck did the last 11 years go?! I remember her being this sweet and adorable little baby who made everyone smile with her sweet little face. I remember her first words (hot dog.. believe it or not!). I remember her first steps. I remember her first tooth (15 months old.... I was beginning to think she was born with NO teeth!) I remember everything about her life. Luci was my first taste of motherhood. My first feeling of unconditional love. My first opportunity to step outside of myself and genuinely care for another human being.
I was 16. I was way too young. It was the beginning of a new school year (my junior year) and the end of a wayward summer. I had been living like I had nothing to lose and was finally back home in the warm comforts of my youth. I wanted to get back into school and away from boys. I wanted to focus on my studies and get my grades back to the A's and B's they once were. I wanted success. Then I started feeling sick. All the time. I thought it was the flu. I was nauseous and vomiting constantly. I had to miss so much school that it was beginning to be pretty suspicious. I didn't feel right. I went and bought a pregnancy test. Uh oh. Both of my sisters had just discovered they were pregnant only months ago and all of us were too young, too selfish, and too crazy to be entering into motherhood. I looked at that little stick and my heart sank. I was pregnant?! Why this?! Why now?! I was finally trying to put my life back together and this happens?!
My mom told me to suck it up. I was going to be a mother. I was going to have to grow up quick and act like one. I needed a job to take care of that baby and I had better figure out how to be responsible and fast. My dad told me this is where my life ends, and my child's life begins. I was no longer allowed to be selfish and put myself first. I was no longer allowed to think of only myself. My child was to be the priority. I was going to learn to sacrifice and it wasn't going to be easy.
There were many times in the past 11 years that I have wondered where my life would be had I not gotten pregnant so many years ago. My high school friends went on to college and are becoming amazing people with so much success and life ahead of them. They are just now beginning their families with their careers in tow. Once in a great while I sit and think how nice it would have been if I would've been able to grow up to be something great. Then I remember that I am something great. I am a hero in the eyes of my daughters. Every time any one of my girls looks at me, they look at me with expectation and love and admiration. They know that whatever I have to say is trustworthy and true. They know that I will always be here and will always love them unconditionally. I have gotten to watch that chubby little 9 pound baby girl grow and blossom into a gorgeous, funny, smart, caring, kind, loving, spiritual young lady.
Luciana is respectful, responsible, bold, courageous, Spirit filled, artistic, and gifted in ways I could only wish for. The girl is something that I wish I could've been. She looks at me waiting for me to show her the ways of this world, but secretly it is I who admire her. I admire that she can look at someone who others would judge and simply want to hug them or pick them up in some way. I admire that she can look at an ordinary rock and see the amazing beauty and time that God took in making that rock. She sees the world through eyes filled with grace and mercy. She has the heart of a saint and I only pray that nothing come along to filthy that up.
I firmly believe that God's plan for me was not to get pregnant at 16. But, I also believe that God makes lemonade with our lemons. I made a choice to be irresponsible and I got pregnant. God took the reigns and allowed that baby to change my life. She saved me from a path I might've taken had she not come along. She continues to give me hope for this horrible world. That there is still good in it. There is still love in it. There is still kindness, grace, and mercy in it. Thank you, Jesus, for entrusting me with one of your most favorite creations. Luciana Grace Overbo... you are mine, but more importantly- you are His.
At first she went on about some bully at school she had trouble with earlier in the year. How this mean girl had moved away, but was back now and it was basically the end of the world. I started remembering what our restore group had just discussed a few days prior. Forgiveness. I went into how it's important for us to forgive and what the Bible has to say about it. How it isn't necessarily for the other person, but for us. For our own freedom from bitterness, hurt, anger, and resentment It was then that Luci's face began to change. I could tell the words I was saying was striking a chord with her. She was becoming increasingly upset and finally broke down and told me how she had already forgiven this girl and this wasn't even the real reason for her crankiness. 
