Back before I decided to really pick up my mat and follow Jesus, I had this boyfriend. He was... well... I like to say he was more of a phase or a really long, drawn out mistake. Either way, no bueno! I lived in a really old and creepy house with this boyfriend. Every room was cold and dark (unless it was summer, then it was humid and dark) and, like I said... creepy! The bathrooms were the worst. Showers have always creeped me out. I mean, I guess I probably should've watched Psycho a few less times growing up. During this time I did not have a see-through shower curtain, so the shower was even darker while you were in it. Well this fabulous boyfriend of mine thought it was the funniest thing in the world to sneak into the bathroom (even to the point of removing the door knob with a screw driver when I locked the door) and scare the crap out of me while I was showering. This was absolutely horrifying! I can't tell you how on edge I was every time I showered. (I bought only clear shower curtains after him...)
Even when I am alone in the house nowadays, I sometimes still get creeped out in the shower. When my eyes are closed to the water, I will get an eerie feeling of someone creeping into the bathroom and watching me. This rarely happens anymore, as I have taken hold of my home and my bathroom. I will not live with a spirit of fear... especially in the shower.
So the other day I was in the shower and my head was tipped up with my eyes closed as I was rinsing my hair. My eyes were directed toward the light in the ceiling and although my eyes were closed, I could see the light shining through my eyelids. When I tipped my head downward, however, I could only see darkness through my eyelids. I started getting that eerie feeling until I quickly tipped my head up and toward the light again. Comfort and peace washed over me and through the water pouring on my face, I smirked. God was speaking to me.
When I was focused on the light, even with my eyes closed, I could see it. I was safe. Comfortable. At peace. I knew everything was good and nothing could hurt me. When I turned my focus away from the light, I became weirded out and worried and that old creepy feeling crept in again.. Back to the light, and I was good again. Don't you see? God is light! (1 John 1:5) And when our eyes are on Him, He will give us a Spirit of peace, comfort, safety, love, joy, and so much more wonderful things. But, when we take our eyes off of Him and onto the darkness, we are entering a world of fear, anger, pain, hurt, and condemnation. There is no freedom in the darkness. There is no Light in the darkness.
The definition of darkness is: the absence of light. Simple. The definition of light is: energy producing brightness that makes seeing possible. The main thing that sticks out to me here is that light is energy that produces... umm.. LIFE! Darkness is the absence of this, making it... DEATH! Well I choose to keep my head tipped up and my eyes on life.. light.. God! Death and darkness can lurk outside all it wants, but it will not overtake me. Wanna know why??
1 Thessalonians 5:5 You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.
As Christians, we often talk about forgiveness. We are quick to advise others to forgive as God has given you, and so on... But, we aren't as quick to talk about repentance. Why is that? Cause we are worried we might offend someone? Cause then it might imply that we think they screwed up? Cause we might come off as "judgy"? Does our silence help? Does it encourage restoration? Does it teach how to be humble and obedient? Does it show anyone what a Christian truly looks like?! Ouch, eh?
Well here's the deal. We are all human. Every one of us. We all screw up. We all make mistakes, and often times- BIG ones. Ones that will continue to creep up and bite us in the butt. Ones that leave scars on us, or those we love. Ones that others would love for us to never ever forget. The beauty is this, we don't have to continue living inside of these mistakes. Allowing them to control us and define who we are. There is this beautiful thing called grace. Jesus is stocked full of it! Psalm 103:12 tells us: He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
Do you have any idea how far that is?! Neither do I! It's endless. It cannot be measured because it goes on forever! Once we repent, our sin is no longer on us. It's basically forgotten in the eyes of the Lord. Wow... pretty cool huh? Even though your family, friends, co workers, children, spouse, and especially your enemies may not allow you to forget the crappy things you've done, Jesus does. Every time. Want to know something even better? You don't have to do anything to earn it. It is already done. The price has been paid. The one and only thing you have to do.. is accept the gift that is already bought, paid for, gift wrapped with a pretty bow, and waiting for you to grab.
So, pictures this if you will... You are walking down a road. Dah dee dah. Walking along.. when suddenly you hear Jesus call out your name. You turn. He is directly behind you, and headed the exact other direction. What do you do?! Do you continue walking on your road (which might be rocky and horrible and painful on your feet, or maybe its super fun and easy and you're having a good time- but left with an emptiness in your heart)? Or do you turn around and begin to follow Jesus? Do you know what the definition of repentance is?
repentance: (1) a true sense of one's own guilt and sinfulness; (2) an apprehension of God's mercy in Christ; (3) an actual hatred of sin (Ps. 119:128; Job 42:5, 6; 2 Cor. 7:10) and turning from it to God;
Wow. Ok so let's get this straight... we will actually acknowledge our sin and face it head on.. we have to actually hate our sin and turn from it to God. So if you are genuinely repentant, you will turn around and follow Jesus. Know what else you will do? You will apprehend God's mercy in Christ. You will finally grasp onto His mercy and fall at His feet and you will be made new! Do we need to remember what the definition of mercy is? Mercy is basically not getting what you deserve. Simple, yet profound. This brings us full circle back to when we talked about how Jesus paid your price. He took on your punishment so that you never would have to.
So, now you decided to put the life you have always walked out away and start walking with The One who loves you more than anything or anyone ever could dream of. Now what? Well in Acts 2:38 it says: Peter replied, "Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Now you get baptized. You die to your self and your old life. You leave the past in the water and you come out reborn. A new creation. You decide to not turn back around and ever leave Jesus' side again. Then, you will get baptized in Holy Spirit. Ask Him to come live inside of you and be the Lord of your life. How do you know you have Him? Well Galatians 5:22-23 explains this... But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Are you ready to have meaning in your life? Are you ready to feel genuine and true love? Are you ready to be overwhelmed with grace and mercy like you never knew existed?! Then do it! Repent! Lay it all out on God and ask Him to give you a new heart. Ask Him to fill you with His desires. Ask for His eyes and ears. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you so that you can know how to walk this out. So that you can never ever be alone in any decision you will ever have to make again. Let Him counsel you. Let Him guide you. Let Him love you like He so desires to love you. It's not too late.
