There is one relationship in the Bible that stands out to me when I think of friendship. David and Jonathan. They have possibly the most intimate and closest friendship recorded in the Bible. 1 Samuel 18:1 shows us the depth of their relationship.
After David had finished talking with Saul,
Jonathan became one in spirit with David,
and he loved him as himself.
This past weekend I spent time with many women who now live very lonely lives in regard to deep, meaningful relationships. The view on friendship from our childhoods have been tainted and worn. That faith has been tattered and abused. As I heard story after story of betrayal, heartache, and deep wounds caused by others who were supposed to love and protect and stand by them, I began looking inward. I reflected on my own story. The close relationships I had. The women I had tied my soul to and trusted and confided in.
I have experienced rejection after rejection from people who were supposed to be my friends. I grew up with a girl who was my first and very best friend. When I was 14 I had been raped. I told no one. Months later I saw her and I revealed my secret to her. She said nothing. She turned her head and walked away, never to speak to me again. When I was 16 I had a best friend who I had lived with for awhile during the summer. We were constantly together. Working, dating, partying... constantly. When the summer ended and I found out I was pregnant, she stopped talking to me. In fact, all of my friends stopped talking to me.
This was the point that I began really building my wall. A sound and safe place for my heart to live, shielded from the ugliness that the world had to offer. The problem is, that it also kept it from the love and beauty too.
I've since had faithful, loving friends that I consider myself still tied to, even if we don't talk very often. When we do, it's like no time has passed. Life has distanced us and that's ok. These women did NOT betray me. They did NOT abandon me. They did NOT do anything other than support, encourage, and love me. But life happened as it always does, and the military moved these friends far from me. It's been years and I have yet to see their beautiful faces.
Nevertheless, I was fine. I had my husband and my children. I had my church and my work. I had people who had peeled back a few layers and that was just dangerous enough for me to experience their love without being devastated when life would inevitably separate us.
Then I met Rachel.
This crazy, energetic, joy-filled woman. She came into our church and I embraced her as I did with everyone, wanting her to feel welcomed. She reminded me so much of myself. She spoke so fast and had this excited energy that was incredibly contagious! In an effort to make her feel more tied into the church, I went out to dinner with her. It was strange. While we talked just fine, it seemed like we were only going to scratch the surface. I thought it was an awkward friend-date and I was ok if she didn't want to do it again.
But she came over to have her children play with mine. She called. She text. She pressed in deeper especially when I tried to back away. My efforts to remain at an arms length would prove to be fruitless with this Rachel. God has used her to peel back ALL the layers and show me what He always intended friendship to look like. Rachel's soul had tied herself so securely to mine.
My family moved from Georgia to Wisconsin two years ago, last February. I sat with my church leaders before we left and I sobbed and begged them to look out for her. To love and encourage her. I was mourning. I had decided in my heart that I was losing my friend. I was leaving her there and we would slowly drift apart like I had done with every other friend that moved away. When I left I slowly stopped calling and texting. I started pulling away and attempted to protect myself again. Brick by brick, rebuilding that safe wall around my heart.
But Rachel would have none of it. She called. She text. She pressed in. The more I pulled away, the more she pressed in. She wasn't letting me go anywhere. So for almost 2 years, we talked just about every day. I was even able to see her beautiful face through the wondrous Apple technology. The 1,283 miles didn't seem so far anymore.
Last September, God brought a hurricane to Georgia. Rachel and her family drove to stay with us for four days. Two months later I flew south to pack their moving truck and bring them home with me. Rachel and I are now reunited and it's the best gift God could ever give me.
This life is hard. Being a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend- it's all so hard. Often times it feels impossible. We need someone to hold us up sometimes. We need someone we can trust to confide in. We need that person to be a safe and Godly person. I need to know that my person gets her advice and counsel from the Bible. I love that Rachel wants to ring the neck of whoever hurts me, but even in her emotion, she directs my eyes back to God. She calls me out when I am stepping off His path. She encourages me and speaks confidence and love into my spirit. She tells me who I am in Christ and how He sees me when I want to believe that I am not enough. She cheers me on and, like Jonathan, she loves me as herself.
I have been not so faithful to her. I have tried to protect myself by pulling away, but no more! I am pressing in. I am choosing to not be afraid. No matter the cost, no matter the risk. I will love her as God loves me. In a reckless and fearless way. Leaving all my history in the past and running forward into the new thing that Abba is laying out for me. With us both in tune with Holy Spirit, we are going to move mountains in His name. I am choosing to enter into a covenant with Rachel as David and Jonathan did. I will forever be the friend He has called me to be.
I pray you can find the courage to do the same. If not, ask God to help you. Because this kind of friendship is what God intends for us. It's such a gift and I wish for everyone to experience it. You have to allow your heart to be vulnerable. If you do, you might get hurt. But, you might also experience the most incredible type of love and joy.
Be brave, Beautiful, your BFF awaits you.
