Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Where ever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
The song is so popular and beautiful and almost everyone I know can't get enough of it. But what if you had to actually live it? What if you had to actually walk that out?
I am in that place. I have a choice. To trust God beyond what I can see. To know that He will show up and show out for me. That He will accomplish the unthinkable before my very eyes. That He will carry me to places my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined. And through this close and intimate trusting encounter with Him, I will have faith beyond what I have ever experienced.
Or... I can choose the safe route. The path that I can see. The path that I can plan out every step and know exactly where I am going. It feels more comfortable. It feels safe. But, it would be settling for so much less than what He has in mind for me.
I have never been one with an abundance of patience. Sure, I have 5 kids. I have patience for "just one more story" before bed, or "I'm just so thirsty" in the middle of the night. I can braid another braid and sing Jesus loves me for the 468th time in a row. I can pick up my kids shoes out of the middle of the hallway and turn off their bedroom light (again). I can do all these things without losing my cool. But I am not good with waiting.
And I feel like God is tormenting me.
We officially stop receiving a paycheck from the US Army in less than 3 months. Neither Mike or I have a job lined up and the bills just wont stop showing up in the mailbox. I have put my resume out to everyone imaginable and after only 2 interviews and several "sorry we decided to go with a more qualified candidate" emails later- I am left standing with only a great outfit and a resume in my hand. (Yeah. I got turned down by Lowes. Twice.)
It's really hard not to think about the "what ifs" and the "should've". Its a battle every day. I can honestly say with my whole heart that I know that God is here with us. I know in my soul that He is in control. There is no doubt in my mind. The question that keeps coming up is.. what if this is His plan?! That's ridiculous.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Prosper: succeed in material terms; be financially successful
Ok. Well that's good news. God doesn't want us to be financially destitute. He doesn't want us to lose our house and cars. He doesn't want us to have our meals served to us at the local food shelf. He wants us to be financially successful. His word says so, and He doesn't lie.
I went to the beach the other day with my husband and beautiful children. It was my 30th birthday. All I wanted was to sit on the beach and look out at the huge ocean and know that He is bigger than all this. To look at His glorious creation with wonder and awe. I wanted to feel his might.
I was sitting on the beach with my sweet dog, Belle. Watching the water and listening to the waves rolling in. Feeling them gently sweep over my feet. I looked down at the sand in front of me and saw a leaf. (The black thing in the picture.) At first I didn't know what it was. I thought it must be some kind of creature because no matter how hard the waves crashed against it, it didn't move from it's spot. Anchored into the sand. At one point, Belle pawed at it and even took it in her mouth and bit it. She must've realized it was no good cause she spit it out and it went back to its clinging to the sand. Not moving an inch, no matter how hard the waves tried.
I am that leaf.
No matter how hard life tries to come at me. No matter how high the water sweeps over my head. No matter how violent the storm gets. No matter who tries to attack me, chew me up, and spit me back out. No matter how overwhelming this life becomes. No matter how much it tries to suffocate me and squeeze the breath out of me. If I am anchored in Him, I will not be moved. If I cling to Him with all I have, then nothing can conquer me.
I don't know how much longer He will take before revealing our future. I don't know when the jobs will line up and all the pieces will fall together. But I know I have to believe that they will. That everything will work out for my good. I have to cling to Him and know that it is all going to be alright. As long as I am anchored in Him, I will be ok.
Hebrews 6:15-19 NLT
Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised.
Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.
** As I was writing this, Kari Jobe's song "You Are For Me" began to play on my radio. Just furthering the promise that He hasn't forsaken me. He is faithful. He is true. He is on my side.
