It was about 1am on Friday evening and the pain started. Slow and creepy like always. We had been staying up late all week so I hadn't gotten to sleep at all yet. I thought I would quick chase it away with a handful of Tums and a few shots of Maalox before it got too bad. I laid down and dozed off (I was exhausted from the day). About 45 minutes later I awoke because I couldn't breathe... again. I sat up and the pain was there in full force. I am told the pains are like that of a heart attack, but they don't go away. My right side of my belly was painful to even touch, I was short of breath and panting like a husky in 130 degree heat. My back was tense and throbbing and I couldn't lean back on a chair or pillow or anything because it completely took my breath away. I had done this a thousand times before over the past several months and started my routine of desperately trying to get rid of the pain. I drank about a half of a bottle of Maalox, took another handful of Tums, and got in the scalding hot shower. All I could do was grasp the shower curtain rod and sway side to side with the hot water pouring on my back and down the ride side of my ribs. This was horrid and I knew I was in for a long night.
The last three times this "heartburn" had happened, it lasted around 7 hours. The longest ever. Before that, the pain was always around 2 hours of pure hell. After 7 hours of pacing, several vomits, 6 showers, a scalding hot bath, and too much Maalox, Tylenol, and Tums... I was desperate... and exhausted like never before. I finally woke Mike up at about 8am. After sobbing to him about how God doesn't care about me and doesn't want to hear my prayers, I told him we needed to go to the hospital. This wasn't even subsiding and I KNEW this couldn't be heartburn. My mind raced with horrors of the baby being tangled in the umbilical cord and ripping the placenta off the wall of my uterus. This incredible pain HAD to be something serious like that... There is no way this was common, or nobody in their right mind would ever get pregnant. EVER! So my knight in shining pajama shorts jumped up and went to get the girls up and ready to go.
An hour later I was being rushed up to Labor and Delivery (the nurses were very worried by my frazzled and crazy look, I suppose). The moment I was in the room the nurse had me undress and told me to lay on the bed so she could hook me up to the monitors. I immediately began sobbing. There was no way I was going to be able to lay down, let alone have those things strapped to my belly! She was very concerned and got me into an upright position with the stupid monitors strapped on my painful belly. I explained what I was feeling in different terms (I had been at the hospital a week ago having the same pains and they dismissed it as heartburn and anxiety...). My blood pressure was higher than it had ever been in my life (shockingly) and she quickly had me hooked up to an I.V. and was giving me drugs for the nausea and pain. I asked her what pain meds and she explained it was the same meds they had given me last week that did NOTHING but make me even more tired ( I later was told from a surgeon that these meds are actually an anti-itch medication...hmm..). I sobbed some more feeling hopeless and knowing they weren't going to actually help me... again.
The doctor ordered an ultrasound assuming this must be kidney stones. Down in radiology I was in a dark room panting and choking back my tears when this tech walked in. She was not dressed in a white flowing gown, nor was she wearing a halo and floating to the sound of harps... but she introduced herself as Angel. I chuckled and told her she was my last hope and if her name was a clue... I was starting to see some light again. During the ultrasound (which hurt like hell!) she saw my kidneys looked fine. She asked me what was going on and after I explained, she asked if the doctors had mentioned my gallbladder. I said no, as they hadn't even mentioned it. She decided to look on her own, and lo and behold... my Angel discovered my problem.
After 11 hours of the worst pain of my life (not to mention the several months of mis-diagnosed horror), I finally had answers. And proper meds. My pain was gone and I was about falling over exhausted as never before. They admitted me and after several discussions with doctors and nurses, and 3 days of room service and cable.. I was released to go home to hopefully find some tidbit of joy in the last part of my last pregnancy. I was given pain meds in case of an "attack" and some other pill to take to hopefully ward off "attacks" all together. I have answers. I have hope. And most of all, I have had a revelation.
I was in darkness and so deeply immersed in pain I had never known (after several kids...) and I was tested. Big time. I had lost faith. I felt abandoned by the one who I knew would never leave me. I spent hour after hour asking for forgiveness for everything I had ever done, pleading for God to take this from me and give me some relief, and finally giving up. I decided that God was punishing me for something and I couldn't think of what. But later, as I lay in the hospital bed in silence with no pain and a clear head, I realized that God didn't want me in pain and that is exactly why I had to endure the last 11 hours. Had I not gone though so much that night, I would have brushed it off as heartburn like I had been doing for several months. I would have kept taking pills and meds that weren't doing anything because they were trying to treat something I didn't have. I had to get to a point where I would break. Where I would give up and beg for help. He kept me in the fire until the exact right time. Until I was able to go in to the hospital when the doctor was working who didn't think it was heartburn, and the ultrasound tech (my Angel) was there to uncover the truth. Had I not endured so much and went in to the hospital, I would still be dealing with these attacks for the next 4 weeks.
Moral of my horror story? Sometimes God puts us through the fire. We may not understand why, and we may hate every second of it. But we have to keep the faith that He knows exactly what he is doing and why. He sees the bigger picture, where we can only see what is right in front of us. He would never have put me through that hell just for laughs. He was waiting for me to be ready and He pulled me out at the exact right moment. Praise Him for being faithful and true. I have the joy of knowing He is with me and He will NEVER forget or abandon me.
